Search This Blog

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

I am the Greatest Person Currently Living on the Planet Earth

So, tonight at Wal-Mart, I thought, "How on Earth do I not have a girlfriend?-look at how cool I am. Look at what I have in this buggie: Apples, Mangoes, Kiwis, five different flavors of yogurt, Beck, Blind Boys of Alabama, Buffy! I am so cool, it is not even funny." And good-looking girls: The pic I put up yesterday is me after working all day outside in the swamp-if you saw a glamour shot of me and my sweet fro and rougish stubble, you would fall down on yourself. I should have just received a spontaneously materialized girlfriend on the spot, tonight, in that store.
Then, I remembered that time a man told me that God told him to tell me, "I see the word 'mate', and I see age 29," and that seemed really silly, and I do think it is silly, but then, tonight, God told someone to give me $50, and they did, and that did not seem silly at all, and then, that reminded me of the time six or seven months ago I think God told me (yes, I think He talks to me-aren't I crazy!) "Buy the Over the Rhine CD 'Ohio', it will change your life," and I did, and I didn't care for it at all, and I was like, "Why did I buy this?" but then, tonight, I realized, "Hey, Jeffrey Overstreet seems like a nice guy, but I sure hate how he always says things like, "We feel" in his movie reviews, because I always think, "Hey buddy, I've never had a collective feeling in my life," and he really, really likes Over the Rhine, but I don't care for them at all, and then I realized, after 23 years, I have finally become my own person, and I know what I like, and I know why I like it, and I don't want anyone to congratulate me for being my own person, because I think that is patronizing, and also, in my mind, I think that no one knows who they are, except for me, because that is the kind of ego that I have, and you have just had a sneak view inside the crazy twisted paths that my consciousness takes, and I hope you enjoyed every second of it, but truth be told, I don't care, because I enjoyed every second of it, and that is enough for me.
Goodnight.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

leper

Anonymous said...

?

Nicholas said...

hmm...

Nicholas said...

Robker.

-E said...

HAHA You seriously crack me up. That has got to be the best run on sentence I have ever seen! You're totally cool in my book. The fro just makes ya hot ;)

Nicholas said...

Rock on! I'm never cutting this thing off!

Anonymous said...

Awww yeah...that's what she said.

Nicholas said...

Best. Response. Ever.