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Monday, August 15, 2005

Britney Spears causes a mental journey to enlightenment

Last night, I mentioned my lack of skill at the video game Karaoke Revolution. This is the Playstation game where you sing along to hit songs in a microphone, and get rated. Out of a field of eight, I came in last. This was my first time playing, but it was also my younger brother's first time, and he got 6th (I heard he moved up to 4th, after I left). I was in 5th for a little while, but my horrible performances of Britney Spears' "Hit Me Baby, One More Time", as well as Otis Redding's "Sittin By the Dock of the Bay" knocked me to last. This confused me. I always assumed I was a much better singer than Mrs. Spears.
Wrong, I guess.
Actually, this ruined my dreams. I always knew that someday I would front a rock band, and people would gape at my incredible vocal prowess. Now, I don't know this at all, anymore. Plus, my younger brother (by 5 years) has, in the last three months, defeated me handily in basketball, foosball, and now, singing. These three things were my bread and butter. And the excuses I had for doing poorly at Karaoke? My throat hurt. I couldn't stop coughing. Those things were true. But anytime I am on the spot this happens to me, and I'm not lying, but people tend to stop believing me after the 10th time. Why does this happen to me. Is this God's way of humbling me? It works.
I think getting beaten at singing is the worst, though, because singing is something you release from the inside of your body to the outside world. Thus, losing at this game makes me feel like I have nothing of worth to give. Not really, but on long drives home, I like to try to figure out why losing a stupid game makes me feel so bad about myself. Also, after losing, I said, "That's it! I'm going to figure this game out!" So, while everyone went downstairs(thankfully, I was not defeated at my own home), I practiced Mrs. Spears' song again. This time I did even worse. Several people came upstairs and filmed my performance with their cell-phones. I made cool facial expressions, and everything. When I was finished, they immediately ran out of the room and humiliated me. Usually I am a good sport on these things, and can use my self-deprecating sense of humor to laugh at myself. Usually, I don't get bothered by this sort of thing, at all.
This time, though...I was infuriated. Seriously, I kept it under the surface, but I wanted to go into Tony Soprano mode. It didn't help that my mockers were jerks about it. When I came into the room, they kept making fun of me. This was expected. I wouldn't have cared. But when I started to talk, they kept making fun of me to each other, and ignored me. I guess it didn't help that I was practically the oldest person there, but still, these people are in their 20s.
"Well," I said out loud. "I'm humiliated, now. I guess I'll go home."
I said this seriously, but everyone continued to ignore/mock me, except for my sister, who told me to stick around. "Nah," I said. "I think I want to go." So I left.
So, admittedly, while my mockers were being jerks, this probably shouldn't have pissed me off to this extent. But it did. So why? Why do I want to buy a PS2 and this game, and become a master at it to show everyone up? I'm 23. Aren't I supposed to be sort of grown up by now? I guess not. And speaking of grown up...
Last night, as I made the decision that I was ready to start blogging again, I listened to a CD I had just checked out from the library. It was an album I have never heard in its entirety, an album that came out just before I turned fourteen, an album that I really wanted to buy in 1995. Well, growing up in a poor and religiously constrictive household is not exactly a good conduit to a thick music collection. So, after ten years, I have finally completed a full listen of The Smashing Pumpkin's Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. I enjoyed it just as much as I thought I would have in 1995. In fact, the album(s) made me feel fourteen all over again. I know I would have won Karaoke Revolution without even trying back then.


-E said...

I suck at singing, but I love to karaoke. You have me wanting to buy this game (I have a PS2 somewhere in a box). Do they make it for Xbox or anything?

Nicholas said...

Yes. They make it for every system except for my wimpy little Gamecube. Nintendo is losing my favor. I need to secret. Shhh...

Jordan said...


I'm so pleased with your blog here, partly because I'm so partial to the pumpkins it isn't even funny and I appreciate you going to the library (my home) and listening to that CD fully (my favorite). If you didn't do it for the pumpkins, I feel like you did it for me without even knowing :P

Secondly I'm pleased with this blog because I can relate so well, so so well, with what you felt at that party. I was gonna go that night too. But I didn't. I'm glad, because I might have been jerk like them too. You never know.

I appreciate how honest you are though. I really do. I would have tried to surface it too and would have got really mad underneath.
And thought I could overcome it but not. And I know exactly how you can be totally serious with someone and they just overlook it and how hurt you can be by their jeering but they take your feelings ( and it seems, feelings in general) for granted.

Thing is, there are many many singers who suck at pitch and formal singing and have werid voices, but are really really great otherwise. Look at Billy Corgan. I know it's a bit of a cop out, but nowadays, look at all the singers who traditionally speaking are crap but people love. People are starting to love different, realy weird stuff.

Otherwise, I can be upsetting.

I'm a bit shy and embarassed by my singing too, sometimes. :)

As always, sorry for the long reply lol.


Nicholas said...

I love the library so very much. I must say though, Jones Creek is the love of my life. It's like two minutes from church. I hit that place up before or after every service. If I'm late, people are like, "Let me guess...Library?"
The thing with Karaoke, I actually thought, and to some degree, still think I can sing. I don't know. Whatever. I really want to try again, like I said, by myself, so I can master the game. Someday, when we become the greatest musical duo known to man, our voices will be loved/feared by all.

The Wolf said...

I think that is Elijah's favorite CD.

Yep, that is how I decided to start off this comment. To prove to you that I am a loser, basically.

I wouldn't worry about Karaoke seems to me it was created by hatas. And, what I actually mean is, don't worry about feeling bad about losing.... things like that can make me sad sometimes, too.

I'm feeling a bit crazy because I went to Dr. Comeaux today, and when I got inside, they asked if I was Amber or Arisa, and after I answered, they said because Arisa was coming later in the day. Why do Loups schedule dentist appointments on the same day always, with no consultation between each other??? I screamed, 'This is bizarre!!!!!'

Jordan said...

"Someday, when we become the greatest musical duo known to man, our voices will be loved/feared by all."

Sweet! Fear me/Love me/ I want it all.

That will be our first single.

I like Jones Creek too. I didn't know you went there before church lol. I like bluebonet the best.

The Wolf - that's alright, I knew Elijah Wood's favorite band was the pumpkins too, but that's just because I like the pumpkins and becuase while at work I read the books rather than shelve them, most of the time.