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Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Selflessness

I am learning that more than anything, being a dad is about selflessness. It doesn't mean that I don't matter. Frankly, I find that when people tell me "you don't matter anymore" they sound quite obnoxious. Of course I still matter. I matter more than I ever have before. I am a father now. Of course I still have dreams, goals, and wants, and that is important to remember. If I just forget that, then I turn into a soulless automaton. But now I have responsibility, and I am an adult with a newborn and a wife nursing him, and right now, they come first.
I think as I get older I am realizing that old "Seasons" song is extremely accurate. Sometimes your life isn't about you, but then sometimes it is. But in the future, does fulfilling my goals benefit my family? Does everything I do have to benefit my family? What about things that aren't harmful, but not beneficial?
I don't know. I am just figuring this out as I going along. I'm actually probably not over thinking things as much as this post implies. Just brain venting. Goodnight.

2 comments:

Neal said...

Ah, I was glad to see the part where you say you still matter. No one ceases to exist when they become a parent, they just gain another role, which is no different potentially from getting married, changing jobs, etc. All of those choices do change your life and how you see it.

I think too many people subsume themselves in their children, and all their life becomes their children. It's tricky to discuss, though, as people try to shoot down what I just said, suggesting you aren't a good parent then. Hogwash, that. You can love your kids and be a great parent, while still having a life.

Things definitely do get more complicated when you add another person to your life. It's no longer a matter of finding a job anywhere you want to go- you have to find one where you both want to go. And so on. You are responsible to more than just yourself (though we always are... even if we aren't married or don't have kids... it often just takes those things to make us realize it).

Anyway, good luck with all the changes and balancing out fatherhood with being who you are.

Nicholas said...

Thanks, man! I feel like so many guys forget about this and then get burnt out later because of it. Hoping to avoid that!
And you are definitely right about how we are all responsible for others regardless of marital status or children. I think realizing that beforehand has definitely given me an edge in parenting thus far.