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Sunday, July 11, 2010

A Quick Note to Music Websites with Hipster Tendencies

Dear quasi-hipster English majors who now write about music as if you are masters on that subject instead of the one you actually graduated in, cannot play a kazoo at gunpoint, and think one distorted bass note played ad naseum underneath off-kilter singing of the same note being pounded into the ground by the bass is complex,
Please stop refering to music videos by the word "clip". A clip is only a piece of something. A music video puts visuals to the music of an entire song. If you are only showing part of a music video, would you say, "This is a clip of a clip?"
Also, please don't refer to danceable songs as "bangers." You are not from Jamaica and you are also probably closer in heritage to the suburbs of the world than the ghettos, so write words that wouldn't make you sound like an idiot if they were actually coming out of your mouth.
Pitchfork and AV Club, I am looking at you (but maybe I'm also winking at you, AV Club).

On the same note, does anyone know of any websites where I can read thoughtful analysis of recent TV show episodes and not have to wade through the reviewer overanalyzing, overpoliticizing, and uncooling the content of said episodes? Do I have to start reviewing the things I want to see reviews of myself?

Sunday, July 04, 2010

Why the Music Industry is Failing

No one listens to music anymore.
That isn't true, but it doesn't really seem like music is quite important to an average person's day-to-day life. Of course I am awesome and not average, so I listen to music all the time, but not everyone does, and far less people do now than in the past. Am I blowing smoke? Take these elements of everyday life:
1. The Car-When I get in the car, I usually listen to a CD, or the radio (Zune gets some time in as well). I don't like to talk on the phone in the car. While I am head-banging and rocking-out, sometimes I look at the car next to me to see if they can tell how awesome I am. Most of the people I look at don't notice me because they are talking on their cell phones. I am willing to guess that the majority of these phone calls hold no social importance and only exist for the purpose of killing time. I listen to my music to transcend my paltry concrete surroundings because I am better than everyone else.
2. At Home-I love throwing on, I mean gently placing a VINYL RECORD onto my VINYL RECORD PLAYER because I am remarkably well-rounded and incredible. I am also a Renaissance Man and play music at home through all other formats, and my whole family jams to the sweet sounds of my superior music selections. Most people don't listen to music at home anymore. If I am home alone at night, I will turn off the lights and throw a record on and imagine I am in a more enlightened time as imperfections in the vinyl hiss and pop. Most people left alone at night either fall asleep Facebook stalking or play Scrabble on their cell phones.
3. Cell Phones-Actually, maybe this post should be called: SMART PHONES DESTROY MUSIC, WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY DUMBING DOWN AND DISTRACTING THE HUMAN RACE TO THE POINT OF DESTRUCTION! AHHH!!! Seriously everyone looks like a damn ostrich, except, instead of burying their heads in the sand, they are burying their heads into their cell phones. Notice I don't say "we" here because I am too much of a spectacular example of humanity to be counted in this number. Of course, some ostriches do listen to and value music, but other ostriches only listen to music in apathetic, disengaged passivity on their cell phone while they are testing out an "app" that allows them to prepare virtual grilled-cheese sandwiches.
So, here is my world-changing conclusion: Downloading is not killing the music industry. If anything, downloading is one of the few things keeping interest in music afloat. Other forms of distraction are killing the music industry. That is fine by me because the collective lessening of the masses only heightens the status of my greatness. Fin.

Blogging without anything to say

I sometimes wonder if I internalize more or less than I used to. In a way this blog used to be more of an external projection of my internalization. I guess in bluntest terms, I created it to vent things I would probably not say out loud.
These days, though (and for quite a while), I don't think there is anything I would write that I would not say. I'm not having sudden freak-outs on my wife or anybody. Maybe I just don't have as much anger bottled up? Have I mellowed?
NO, I HAVEN'T MELLOWED!!!
SHUTUP!!!