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Thursday, January 05, 2012

Based on a Poo Story

I just passed the most recent ugly billboard for the film The Devil Inside.  Like every movie involving demonic possession recently released to theaters, the tag "Inspired By True Events" is plastered on every advertisement.  This of course gets people curious, but something needs to be cleared up.
Here are the true events The Last Exorcism is based upon:
There was an exorcism once.
That's it.
I need to make a movie where I eat a sandwich then get kidnapped by terrorists and kill them all with a hamburger bun, then I eat the hamburger bun, then aliens beam me into their starship lair but the transportation process makes my stomach wobbly and I vomit the hamburger bun onto the aliens and it turns out their only weakness is human bile and they all collapse into toxic piles of acid and I pilot their starship back in time and prevent the JFK assassination by accident because I was actually attempting to attend the first screening of Star Wars in 1977 but since I am in 1963 I just go see a double bill of "War is Hell" and "Battle Cry," coincidentally the same screening Lee Harvery Oswald was attending when he was captured but he is not captured because he is as flat as Kiera Knightley under my starship.  You know, I did eat a sandwich once, so:

Also, sorry, Kiera Knightley...


laurenthevampireslayer said...


david said...


I think you should kickstarter that movie idea for $3 million and make it a reality.

; )



Nicholas said...

Yes! Kickstarter is a great idea! Would you play me? And can there be a musical interlude after all the aliens die where one of the aliens' ghosts sings a re-tooled version of girlpuke? "I want an earthling that won't puke an me/to probe an earthling that won't ralph,upchuck, or heave."