Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Rare Personal Thoughts
I know six years ago I posted my naked thoughts on everything and revealed personal details of my life as if I was going to die tomorrow, but I haven't done that in quite a while. I use six years (The Nicsperiment hits eight this year) because that was the turning point in my life. I found a wife, moved to her city, quit blogging for more than a couple years, knocked her up (my wife, not the blog), had a kid, did a bunch of things. Now I am back in my country homeland, except now I've got a spouse of five years and a son. The weird thing about it is, I felt like my life had literally limitless directional possibilities six years ago, and now that I've returned, I see the result of one, arguably, the absolute best one. But what if I'd gone another way?
What if I went through with my plans to attend grad school? What if I'd gone to grad school in a distant corner of America? Would I be back here now, or would I be resettled? What if I had joined the Peace Corps? I was about two months away from signing up. Would I live in another country right now? How many languages would I speak? Would I be dead? What if I had given up on grad school, flaked out on Peace Corps, and just stayed where I was, ignoring my feelings for the woman who became my wife? Would I still be working at that library in Zachary and living in the country? I'd have a bridge to get there quickly now. Would I still be living in the same spot I am now, in the same home, but alone? What things would I have accomplished in Pointe Coupee parish these last six years? Anything? Would I be depressed? Would I have suffered from depression these last six years instead of enjoying the emotional roller-coaster of married and parental life? Where would my wife be? My son would not exist. Those two thoughts are certainly the most frightening. Where would my church be (I only came to know of it because my wife was a member)? Who would have led the youth, helped with the children, played the drums, played the bass? Most likely more importantly, where would I be without the church? Would I have married someone else, and have strange, faceless, mystery children? (Don't worry, babe, I don't want any other wife, or any other children. You're the only one for me!)
I really don't care about any of that stuff because there is only one reality and it is the one I am living in right now. I am only reminded of that time because I am back in my homeland again, and the last time I was here, I was in the same position I am now...limitless possibilites, and a lot of good options to choose from. I just pray that I make the correct decisions again. Whatever happens, I am glad I have a desert rose ;) and a sea creature-phile along for the ride with me. Wherever we're going, I can't wait to get there...then again, it is the journey, right?