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Thursday, April 14, 2005

Rant #1

The new promised rant is here. First off, I want to say, this rant is not directed toward any particular person. This is a problem I have found in myself over the years, and have been itching to rant about. This rant is about Married/Dating Life vs. Single Life, directed toward Christians, but applicable to anyone.

Today, most of society, and the church expect you to get married. You basically have to do it. The pressure is immense. Everyone I know who is not married has figuratively gone bald worrying about this at some point or another in their lives. This is crazy.
Why is this such an issue?
You are ostracized from society if you are not married or dating. Older single people are nearly considered deviants. Especially in the church. Why?
I seem to remember a certain apostle who wrote about half the New Testament not having that high of an opinion on marriage. This certain Jewish Carpenter some of us worship apparently never got married at all (unless you believe that DaVinci stuff...sorry, another matter of BS).
This is where I make my point:
Some of you are never EVER going to get married. God has not created a special person for you. You are going to be single until the day you die.
That's right. God might love you so much, He doesn't want to share you with anyone else.
Not me, you say. Certainly, he doesn't mean me.
Yep. It might be you. It might even be me.
For some reason, being the person you are meant to be, and accomplishing what you, are supposed to accomplish, has fallen a distant second to marriage (or having a girl/boyfriend, period). Much of the he church seems to have seized us all tightly on the image of Christ and His bride, and has forgotten that this is only a metaphor for the church's relationship with Christ, not a man's relationship to a woman. Sure, marriage is a wonderful thing, and it symbolizes our relationship with Christ beautifully. That doesn't mean we are all supposed to marry a human being. That means we are all married to Christ. That's a pretty big difference.
All of this business about marriage, and loving a partner has also distracted attention from another important topic:
Love your neighbor as yourself. You have to love yourself to fulfill half of this commandment. If you can't love yourself when you are a single person, marriage is not going to solve the problem. In fact, you are only going to make you, and your partner miserable.
The only way to be completely happy is to find who you are in Christ, and life that life. You can find the answer to this during marriage, but the point is that being who you are in Christ is the ultimate goal of your life, not finding a mate.
God may have something in store for you so big, you won't be able to devote time to a mate, but, if you are living the life he has for you, you are going to be happy.
Now, I know every single person, and maybe some married probably want to shoot me, but you know this is true. Even some of you with boy/girlfriends right now may end up becoming a single for lifer, and I am here to tell you, that is not a bad thing, because I know that the only way to be happy is through Christ, and Christ is all anyone needs, and if you think you need a man or a woman to make you happy, you are living a lie.
Do I want to get married? Honestly? Yes, someday. But, is getting married point number one in my life, right now? Nope. Am I exempt from staying up late when it rains and getting all lonely and wanting to spoon with someone? Nope.
So, while we singles are waiting, and even if you are one of the ones who will never marry (and this could be any one of us, and this is not a bad thing), think about this:
1. You have a great gift, right now. Your time belongs to you. While your married and dating friends have to live two lives, you are living your own, and you should enjoy every second of it, because it is a gift.
2. Your possible future plans are literally, limitless.
3. No one screws up your toothpaste, farts in your bed, says annoying things you hate and have to hear everyday, spends all the money you want to blow on pizza and video games, or guilts you into cleaning up, but you.
4. Kids?
Before you married and dating folks jump into my mouth, and start spearing my tongue, your lifestyle has benefits, too, but I tell you this:

You and your life are no better than the rest of us. Don't forget it. Not one little bit.

Haha, that was awesome. Guess what? There is another rant coming up very soon, maybe even tonight.


John T. Meche III said...

Well said Nick. You are absolutely right. Good rant. I don't want to kill you. That having been said, just to present myself. I know I'm not one of those people who is made for singleness. The capacity just isn't built into me.

Nicholas said...


Jordan said...

Heh Good Rant Nic. You made me laugh. And I agree. My life is about Christ and I am satisfyied with Him. I lay my plans at His feet. I often want to lay down the things He's had me take up or press strongly into...but He won't let me. Darn huh? Nope. Life is good.

Anonymous said...

Amen! As one who has been in the remaining-single-like-Paul-so-there group, I can definitely say I understand and agree with that. I can also say that sometimes the shoe is on the other foot: You want to remain single but God has other plans for you, including a significant other that you can't deny wanting to be with. *shrugs* And, definitely, I can see the pressure in churches to get married and live a "fruitful" life. Meh. If you are meant to be single, enjoy it. My belief is that you should just be open to what God has planned for you, forgoing what those around you are planning. God's plans are much more worthwhile than the plans humans think up.

(I know one girl who has been "searching" for someone for years. In fact, the reason she went to college was so she could find a husband, although she came away without one. Her mother is pushing this idea to the fullest, trying to get her to go "where the men are." Bah. She's a bit upset that her friends who have denied wanting to get married are doing so while she, who has been actively seeking for so long, has remained single and unmarried. Friends keep reminding her that it may not be in her future and she needs to listen more to what she needs to do on her own instead of listening to her mother and settling down with just any guy. I mean, at 23, she's getting on in years, you know? *winks*)

Nicholas said...

Yep, other people's plans are just ridiculous, but even when you tell them, they just keep trying, anyway.
If only puberty starting at 23, huh?
Not like, mental puberty and decision-making skills and all, just physical puberty. Man, that would make life interesting.

Nicholas said...

I think starting meant started.
I think...

Nicholas said...

It's funny that everyone who posted in this is married now (4.5 years later). Except Jordan, but I have machinations, my friend.

Nicholas said...

Now Jordan is married, too. Awesome.