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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Germany, Day Two: "Wait...You Guys Eat this Stuff...With Your Mouths?"

The three of us woke up that morning and caught a train for the nearby city of Nuremburg. There were some very important trials here sixty years ago, but this isn't a history lesson, so go look it up if you don't know what I'm talking about.
As soon as we got off the train, I noticed a large building:

I was quite impressed, but according to Robker, whose head is at the lower left, this is only a small church. More on this later. Yes, that is the tag from the camera hanging in the top right of the frame. At the time, I thought it was an archway. That is because I am awesome.
Walking 70,000 miles to every location made us hungry, so we went to get some food. As you know, I enjoy walking 70,000 miles, but not on an empty stomach.
So we went to some cozy pub restaurant right down the road from the above picture.

Enjoy this blurry long shot because I am sparing you a close-up of this revolting panache of nasty. Okay, the food was actually pretty good. The beer was nothing to write home about. Then, there is the sauerkraut. Sauerkraut is the snot-like substance at the top of my plate. Robker and Stephanie, full-blooded German descendants, say they were raised on this stuff. Apparently, this is the traditional German meal. My Sicilian ancestors also created a substance to eat at every meal, called Spaghetti. The differences between these two are simple. My ancestors said to themselves, "What is a nourishing meal that will taste really good? We know! Spaghetti." Apparently, the Germans thought, "What is a nourishing meal that will taste really good? We don't know, but what if we take cabbage, do irrationally strange things to it, then eat it every day and pretend that we like it? Only one way to find out!"
After eating, the trio of terror ventured to Nuremburg Castle. White frozen water continued to bombard us without mercy. It even collected on the ridiculously steep path to the castle to try to kill us, but we were to good for it. If you don't believe me, look at the path of carnage this frozen water (or 'snow') left.

After a tour and stuff, I decided I wanted to climb the castle tower. Robker and Stephanie like heights like I like sauerkraut, so I went alone. The view would have been great if not for stupid sky dandruff getting all up in my grill and blocking everything out.
After this, we caught a bus or something and went to a museum dedicated to Hitler's crazy rallies. Germans' attitudes toward WWII are interesting in that they absolutely don't talk about it, at least not around me. We went to an unfinished stadium where Hitler was going to undoubtably hold more rallies and hop around like a little pansy. He apparently had plans to create domed stadiums so large, people's sweat would evaporate and then rain down from the ceiling. Robker told me this, but Robker also told me that Sauerkraut tastes good.
After this, we took the train back to Erlangen. We went into the store again because I wanted more candy. My family has a slight chocolate problem. Germany apparently has too much chocolate and sells it for very cheap. Chocolate/Vanilla Milka Bars are my girlfriend. We also went to Erlangen brewery which makes Kitzman, which you may have noticed in the 'coke' machine in the previous post. I got some giant 'Christmas Brew' from there. It was okay.
Sexist rant begins:
Did I mention that the girls in Robker's dorm were ridiculously attractive? It was crazy. I then got the impression that all girls in Germany looked that way but later found that the percentage of girls I am attracted to in Germany is equal to the percentage of girls I am attracted to anywhere else. I was going to tell a joke here, but someone will hurt me, so I won't.
Instead, I will say that bicycles covered in snow are beautiful:

And then, as now, I took a shower and went to bed.


Anonymous said...

The title of this blog made me shriek with glee! It is so odd the stuff they feed you in foreign countries. I think it will be my downfall someday...for as bad as I want to travel and as much as I love Italy, there are only so many boxes of Cheezit crackers I can stuff into my suitcase.

You have some awesome quotes in this, rivaling the ultimate quote about X-tina, Dirrrty, dignity, and dropping IQ.


a leslie said...

one: i HATE sauerkraut. i mean hate in the most serious way. i don't understand it, why anyone eats it, why anyone makes it, how anyone keeps it down, etc.
two: my family has a slight chocolate problem as well, though i think we discussed this during our conversation the other day. somewhere in there with "i don't understand people who don't like peanut butter and chocolate together."
three: i always find european people to be a little strange looking. and yes, you must be careful with the sexist jokes. we hit. hard.

Nicholas said...

Bas: Thanks! Personally, I took almost an entire box of Sweet American Goodness out last week. I can't wait to see what they try to feed you in England, though. You better pack two boxes!
Leslie: (In Jerry Seinfeld voice): What's the deal with Sauerkraut? Do people actually eat this stuff? Why do they eat it? What's wroooong with these people?
I think they are the same people that think Chocolate and Peanut Butter combined is nasty!
BTW, I would never think of telling a sexist joke. Sexy, maybe, but not sexist. That said, I do confuse the meaning of the two words every now and then.