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Sunday, May 21, 2006

Finally, An Explanation

Haha. I am a terrible blogger. It has been nearly a month since my last post.
But you know that already.
Well, I guess an explanation is in order. Let's start at the beginning:
In December 2004, when I started this blog, I had quite a lot to rant about, and no one to rant to.
I hadn't kept up with many people from the old high-school, and most of the friends I had made in college had moved quite far away from me. Basically, I was left alone in the swamp to fend for myself. I had a lot to say, though, and this blog became my tool for conversation. Along my blogging way, I came across several super-cool people who either agreed with a lot of what I had to say, or just liked reading it.
Last year was a really interesting time for me. Like most years before it, 2005 was a year of single-me. I have usually revelled in my singleness. 2005 was a good year for me to be single. I went through a lot, and I grew a lot. I matured more into adulthood and all that stuff that is probably supposed to happen, and it was great. But then, this year, something happened.
In February, a good friend of mine and I had a conversation in a coffee shop (that moved to a restaraunt, and then to a long walk around LSU).
This friend and I had spent a lot of time together over the last few years, but lately, had not seen each other. She (this friend is a girl) and I had hosted a radio show together on KLSU a few years before, while at the same time working at LSU's accounting service office together as silly little student workers, AND taking several classes together. This friend and I liked each other alot. In fact, at first, this friend liked me in a way that I was not sure if I liked this friend back. But, as this friend and I grew closer and closer, this friend began to date someone else. However, she and I stayed close, even after my graduation, though we did not see each other often after that point.
Well, in this February 2006 conversation, this friend told me that she was now single. This friend surprised me by this comment. She had given me about a dozen guesses as to what her surprise was, and I never figured it out until she told me.
Well, screws immediately began to turn in my head. This friend and I had always liked each other so very much. We had always had something extremely special, even going so far as to say that we were 'romantically platonic'. Could I have feelings for this person? I wondered.
As the night wore on, I realized the answer was, yes, most definately. In fact, I felt sort of like I had always had feelings for this person, but had for certain reasons denied them. Afterall, when she and I met, she was 17 and I was 21. This did not seem to me at the time to be, how do you say, legal? Then I denied these feelings because she was attached, and pining for things I cannot have, while fun in a slightly masochistic way, is not exactly my cup of tea.
Well, after that February night, this friend and I began to spend a lot of time together.
There really wasn't that much catching up to do. We both fell lock-step into the same chemistry and relaxation we had in each other before...but Someone started to add a little something new into the mix. However, I am a big believer in the rebound, and I most definately did not want to take advantage of this friend at this time in her life.
Unfortunately, another male (and I am not accusing this male of taking advantage of my friend because I don't think this was his intention) was also interested in her. This male did not allow my friend time to rebound, but immediately pursued her.
I wanted to fucking kill this man with my fists just a little tiny bit for perhaps a fractal of a second. I mean, seriously, who doesn't get the rebound concept? And who couldn't see what was going on between she and I (even though this male had never met me, he should have KNOWN).
But then I realized, if my special friend and I were ever meant to be, then we would be.
Well, this male person tried to start a relationship with my friend. However, this did not take. Because my friend was not in any sort of love with this person. My friend was in love with me.
However, my power animal is the turtle, the slowest of God's creatures. But I am a snapping turtle. After being asked by my friend to stick my neck out, I finally did.
And instead of cutting my head off, she kissed it.
And the other male figure dropped off of the radar--actually, the other male figure, in my opinion, was never on the radar. He really just tried to draw a blip on the screen with a magic marker, and that does not work.
Well, my friend and I both knew that we loved each other and why. We had spent entire weeks together for a year and a half, and two and a half hours of that in a dark room late every Sunday night just running our mouths. We were not really interested in dating. We knew what was up with each another.
So for the next month and half, we spent a concentrated period of time together. Much time was spent in prayer. Much time was also spent kissing each other. You see, this friend and I, though we knew we loved each other, were unsure of one thing:
Were we attracted to each other?
The answer was a quickly found YES. After finding this and several other things out, this friend and I felt there was little left to do as far as courtship and dating were concerned. Every piece had already fallen into place. It has taken us three years to get here, but we are finally here.
And now, in the wonderful month of December, I am marrying the love of my life.

And that is what I have been doing in my two month absence.

Well, I am slightly sad to say that this blog may have now fulfilled it's purpose, which was basically, to be my signifficant other. The persona behind this blog has always been: Angry, single, male.
However, I have little to be angry about, and the person I have always loved ranting to the most (and she knows she loves it) in the pre-blog days is now my fiancee.
Fortunately, though, I am still male. Otherwise, things would just be weird.
Will, I ever post again?
I think I may still post from time to time. But not in any way near the capacity that I have in the past.
Will I get back to reading and commenting on the blogs of all the lovely people I have met through this blog?
I sure hope so. I feel really bad for that area of my disappearance. I really want to get back to reading what you guys have to say, and what is up with you. SOON. I think I can handle that. But regular blogging, at least in the fashion I have blogged before, is most definately dead, because the original purpose of this blog has been fulfilled.
I feel that I have found my callings romantically, career-wise, and in my hobbies. I am perfectly content. And that makes for pretty boring blogging. So I just can't do it anymore. It wouldn't be fair to you or me.
But anyway...
Sigh. I loved this blog. It was probably my best friend last year. I dreamed about it.
But now I dream of something else.
So in a way this is a goodbye.
But in a way it is not.
Because I'm not going anywhere.
I'm just not ranting my opinion in this fashion anymore...at least not now.
Perhaps, as I enter these new stages of life, I will find new things that I must blog about.
But right now I just want to focus on my Baby. I can only have one love (you know, besides the whole God thing, but that is a different type of love).
Like I said, though, I don't want to disappear. I still want to read and comment on everyone else's blogs. I just can't post on my own anymore.
And now I am semi-rambling.
But I don't know how to end this 'last' post.
I could easily rant about the Da Vinci Code right now, I guess. But I have no desire to do so.
Sigh.
I could easily praise the beauty of Sigur Ros' music right now (again).
But I have no desire to do that either.
I am actually, slightly relieved.
Because I can't bring myself to say I will miss it.
Okay, I am rambling.
I love you guys,
Nicholas