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Friday, May 13, 2011

Philly Me Up is Better than South of Philly and Your Reason for Saying Otherwise is Baseless and Ridiculous, Jay D. Ducote, Writer for Bite and Booze!

Well, things really aren't working out that well artistically for me, so you know what that means:
It's time to diss every single thing and statement I disagree with in order to re-affirm my feelings of superiority, which will, as usual, most likely backfire.
This first target is otherwise respectable online food review publication, Biteandbooze.com, and this review posted by website founder, Jay D. Ducote, which insists that South of Philly on Sherwood Forest Boulevard has a better Philly Cheesesteak sandwich than the far superior Philly Me Up on Jefferson Highway. That's right, Ducote, I'm coming for you AND your corporate mega-empire!!!
According to his review, Ducote visited both restaurants and tried the sandwich at both.
Well so did I, Jay!
According to you, the employee's at South of Philly, "... may have forgotten how to season beef. The steak itself lacked the customary salt and spices, and provided a slightly bland sandwich." Well, I have tried two Philly Cheesesteaks at this restaraunt and COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU. The sandwich was completely tasteless, even when I ordered the supposedly spicy "Tiger Steak," which cost me a whopping $11 and tasted like wet cardboard.
You then go on to describe the Philly Me Up sandwich with the damning phrase, "the beef at Philly Me Up tasted very nice. Each bite featured well-seasoned and tender, thinly sliced steak, and there were plenty of onions to add flavor." I agree. Both sandwiches I purchased there not only did not cost me $11, but also tasted like the chef actually wanted the customer to enjoy eating them. And I did! They were delicious!
So why do you go on to say that South of Philly is better? Because the person behind the counter at Philly Me Up didn't know what Cheez Whiz is. That's pretty much it.
I demand that you print a retraction, sir!
Here is why your argument makes no sense:
Say I run into two strangers on the street. I say to each, "shake my hand."
The first says, "What's a hand?" yet at the same time reaches out and gives me a nice firm shake.
The second points at my hand, says, "That is your hand," then punches me as hard as they can in the nuts.
Which one gave a better handshake?
Good day, sir.

South of Philly is located at 4353 S Sherwood Forest Blvd and will overcharge you for a tasteless hunk of barely digestable nothingness.

Philly Me Up is located at 8775 Jefferson Highway and will charge you a very fair price for a flavor-filled sandwich from an innovative menu (there is a sandwich with salsa on it that is particularly awesome!), and also they have these cheese-and jalapeno-filled french fry things that you should get when you win the lottery. Here is their menu.

Tigerbait Grill at 14546 S Harrell's Ferry Road actually has the best Philly Cheesesteak sandwich in the entire world, even counting Philadelphia, even though I've never actually been to Philadelphia and I hear it is really cold there, but they call it a Grilled Steak Philly at Tiger Bait, and if you ask them if they have Cheez Whiz they will probably just look at you like you are stupid, so just order the Grilled Steak Philly with everything and get some Cajun Curly Q's and some Iced Tea and think that there are people up in Pennsylvania who have to put salt on their driveways and eat "blandwiches" while you get to eat a sandwich with so much flavor, that dude from Flavor of Love actually ate it and changed his name to "No-Taste McGee" because he was ashamed.

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