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Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Humans Suck 101 (1st Lecture)

(An Ongoing series on how Humans Suck)

When you drive down any street or highway in America, what two words more than any others do you see on signs planted everywhere?
I'll give you a hint, they are not BE SMART.
They words are FOR SALE.
It seems like every other house on every street is on the market.  This confuses me, though.
If every house is for sale, how come every patch of forested land within eye-shot is being removed for the implantation of new suburbs?
It basically goes like this:
Some human who sucks sees the forested land and thinks, this could make me a profit.  He chops down the forest and makes lots.
Some humans who suck see lots for sale, buy them, and build enormous, ugly, generic looking houses.  These humans who suck can't actually afford to do this but borrow money from a bank run by more humans who suck.  This bank actually doesn't have any money, either, but banks run by humans who suck are magic and can make up money.
The new homeowner humans who suck quickly tire of their generic house in their generic, newly created suburb.
Another human who sucks sees the forested land two miles down the highway from where the recently clear-cut forest was.  This human who sucks thinks, this could make me a profit.
The new homeowner humans who suck put their two-year old houses on the market.  They buy lots in the newly-made subdivision two miles down the road.
A Realtor who sucks puts signs in front of the two-year old houses:
Humans suck.

This has been your Humans Suck 101 lecture for the day.


Stephanie said...

I cannot tell you how badly I want the people in the big, beautiful white house next to our trailer to put up a nice "for sale" sign. Because THEN we could 1)make that ugly house beautiful again, 2)not have to start from scratch, and 3)take back some loup property!

Nicholas said...

Yes! And then they can move back to the city!

Charlie said...

Suburbs are the worst. Either be in the metro, or not. The in-betweeners are ruining everything-and they have all the $. Jerks.

Nicholas said...

Yep. $erks. Just like that Nat Geo article said about how much more eco-friendly it is to live in the city versus the suburbs. Sposed to be a city then a giant ring of country! Not a ring of ridiculously giant SUV's and ugly houses!