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Monday, March 20, 2017

N.W.A. Was Wrong About The Police!



My earliest musical memories naturally revolve around whatever vinyl was spinning next to my crib. This can be boiled down to three essential ingredients: Barnes and Barnes "Fish Heads," Bob Marley's "Jamming'"/"No Woman No Cry" 45, and the Police's Ghost In the Machine.
While "Fish Heads" planted a love of the bizarre in my consciousness, the latter two gave me a yearning for a certain island flavor. I've already raved about Marley back when I was on "B," MORE THAN FIVE YEARS AGO. Jeez, this has taken me a long time. Anyway, I've tried to save The Police references until I got closer to reviewing them...not always possible, but I've tried. Rather fortuitously, I just got to review the reggae-soaked P.O.D. back-catalogue to prepare as a lead, but here goes my setup:
The Police may be the greatest rock trio of all time. Their unique chemistry has never been duplicated by any band since, and all three members have musically suffered for having been without each other for the past 30-plus years. Yet, with that said, some of their songs are objectively terrible. Even their best albums feature some surprising head-scratchers, and their worst album is shockingly uneven...just who are The Police, anyway?
Time to find out!
Coming up on The Nicsperiment: Reviews of all five full-length Police albums, as well as their greatest hits collection. Here are some things I have heard about these reviews:
"Stand so close to them!"
"Every little thing they do is magic!"
"These reviews have greatness wrapped around their finger!"
"I'm hungry for...more of these reviews!"
"When the world is running down, you should read all of The Nicsperiment's The Police reviews."
"It's alright for you to read all of these Police reviews."
"The bed's too big without all six of these reviews!"
"No time this time? Well, just read them later...but if you never read them, there will be a hole in your life."
"I was told there would be cake."

So you see? Even if you are straight outta Compton, you are sure to love each and every one of these reviews as if they were your own children.
I'm not saying they'll bring your dead pets back to life, but I'm not saying they won't.
Don't quote me on that.

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