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Thursday, May 19, 2005

Taking a little Break

Yeah, so my life is spiraling out of control. Okay, not really. I'm not focusing on the things I should, though, I'm letting some things fall by the wayside that should not, and I've been forgetting to do a bunch of small things that are starting to add up. I spend about four or five hours a day on the Internet, and that is just ridiculous. Sitting in my computer chair is the most comfortable, safe place I can be, which probably means I shouldn't be spending almost half of the time I am awake in it. With all the changes going on in my life (getting an adult-with-a-degree job, getting out of my parent's house again, cutting off that pesky third testicle) I need to focus, and I can't do that if I am on the Internet all day. This means, for now, I have to get off, and that means, unfortunately, I am going to have to abandon this blog for a while.
This is especially tragic to me, now, as I have just begun my own media review blog, which actually wasn't going terrible.
The last time I took a break, it only lasted six days, so I could be back tomorrow. In the meantime, if you are new here, feel free to check out the archives. I have been told I posted some "killer rants" on political and spiritual issues, and when they are not so killer, smart people posted comments to set them straight. My grammar aren't so good for an English major, though, so be prepared for some misplaced commas.
I hope you all have a great summer while I figure all these things out.
Thanks for the comments and the encouragement!
And finally, remember, when it comes to power lines, don't touch that!

Monday, May 16, 2005

I feel weird...really weird

Well, I do. I am not sure what is up. Here is a numbered list of weirdness.
1.My previous post: I think I could have done a better job of articulating my point, but, I guess as some guys do, I got stuck on the sex parts-I agree that I should have mentioned male nudity, as well, and I agree about the frequent fakeness of movie breasts, but I think I just meant to talk about nudity in general and got caught up in the breasts. I don't think we should show kids porn...actually, I'm not sure how to remedy the problem I perceived in my last post...that's why I think I had such a hard time writing it.
2. The events that have been stressing me out have been affecting my body in incredibly adverse ways. Stress is not good. I wish the whole thing would just go away.
3. I haven't finished filling out any job applications, and I don't want to.
4. I am tired of people expecting Star Wars films to have Shakespearean dialogue.
5. I want to go home, but I am "home."

Friday, May 13, 2005

Christianity and her boyfriend, Violence

So, the other day some relatives of mine who are Christians wanted to go see the movie, "Kingdom of Heaven". Before they went to see the film, they wanted to make sure of one thing:
"Does it have SEX in it?, because, we can't go if it has sex."
They check, which is actually quite a helpful website if you want to take your kids to something, but want to know what you are taking them to, first.
So, they click on Kingdom of Heaven and see that under Sex/Nudity the film has been given a "Heavy" rating.
"Oh, no!" They say. Then, they read and see that there's just a scene of two people making out, and breathe a sigh of relief. These are married people, by the way.
Out of curiousity, I checked to see the ranking under violence (blood/gore on SCREENIT). "Kingdom of Heaven" received an extreme for several blood spraying sliced throats, beheadings, decapitations, etc. Now, I'm not knocking "Kingdom of Heaven" for this. Any honest portrayal of the Crusades is going to have to be chock-full of violence. It's just neccessary, and I don't hold this against the film, at all.
What I don't get is, why, in Christianity, is R-rated sex considered so much worse than R-rated violence? As the always cool Bruce Campbell once said, "Why isn't it okay to show a man kissing a breast, but OKAY to show a man cutting a breast off with a chainsaw?"
What's up with this double standard?
I have always been of the opinion (since I could have an opinion) that if the story and the artistic goals of the film need certain scenes to be met, then they are neccessary, so don't think I am just knocking film content, here. My favorite book is chock full of sex and violence, so...
I am just knocking this strange prevailing notion that as Christians, we can watch a woman be cut in half, but we can't see the same woman in her underwear.
What's the deal? This seems to be a singular American notion, as well. In Europe, for instance (and I say this from experience, however limited), violence is abhorred more than sex.
Is this hatred of sex part of American Christianity's Puritan heritage?
I remember the American Church's unprecedented acceptence of the first Matrix film. Many in the evangelical field said the closing shootouts were great examples of "spiritual warfare". I also saw, in many cases, parents taking their young children so they could witness this "example" for themselves. I thought our battle was against flesh and blood?
My first thought upon viewing the Matrix lobby shootout scene was, "Isn't he just killing innocent humans who have no idea what the hell is going on?"
So, why do we make excuses to enjoy violence, yet balk at the thought of seeing breasts, which God created, and which are spectacular (yes, I am pop-culture referencing trash). In my opinion, seeing bare breasts in a film is a lot less jarring than seeing someone get their ear chopped off. Breasts are beautiful, and created by God. Decapitations are not.
Instead of our kids growing up with a natural respect for the God created beauty of the human body, they are growing up with repression and guilt. Meanwhile, we show them videos where Bible quoting super-heroes beat the shit out of "demons." Where is the reason in all of this?
No wonder the Church has such a problem with Internet pornography, right now, and no wonder much of the American Church is riding on the shoulders of their new "saviour", George W. Bush, and shouting, "Let's kill all them Arabic Islamic bastards!" Okay, that was a low political blow. Forgive me that if you can, but please listen to the point I am making.
Violence is just natural to us. The prevailing thought of innocent Iraqis killed in combat seems to be a throwaway "too bad for them", meanwhile all forms of sexuality are banished, except in private forms of depravity, where they are reveled in sick worship.
I don't get it. And, no, I am not knocking our servicemen overseas. I hate always having to say this, but obviously, just because I don't believe in a war does not mean I want our troops to die. I want them to all come home safely.
I just wish things here didn't have to be the way they are.
Transmission out...wait, not yet.
This reminds me of a post I made questioning the popularity of "Passion of the Christ" (Check the February archive). What thing about seeing the most brutal recreation of Jesus being flayed and beaten made Christians more excited to see a film than ever?
Just a thought.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Don't get sentimental, it always ends up drivel

Nah, ah.
Anyway, after an afternoon of writing reviews, I now know what it will take for me to keep my entertainment site going, and how much I can do during a certain amount of time. Now, all I need is readers! At least I know I can do it now, though, and the foundation is laid.
This means that this part of my blogging empire will go back to normal and resume its place as my temple of angst. But, I must put in one more plug before I resume normal functions:
I have already posted several reviews, and I plan to keep going strong.
Don't forget, I am changing the URL of this site from to simply:
in only a few days.
Rant to you later!

The first review is up

My first review, a review of last night's Lost can be found on my TV in review blog.

Site organization

You may have noticed I now have five blogs. Don't worry though, the three new offshoots, TV in review, Film in review, and Music in Review will all have their updates linked from The Nicsperiment: Entertainment website. For example, later today you will see a post on The Nicsperiment: Entertainment that says:
For my reviews of last nights Lost and Alias, click here (and of course the word "here" will be a highlighted link). That way, to keep up with my madness, if you so desire, you only have two sites to keep track of:
1. The Nicsperiment
2. The Nicsperiment: Entertainment

ALSO: I am changing the URL of The Nicsperiment from to drumroll:
Yes, it is about time the name of the site and the URL actually matched, and I agree. I will wait three days to make this change, though, so you guys who get this message late won't lose track of where I'm at. Rock on! I am excited about this. One thing about grief and me is that grief always incites me to get off my butt, and do the things I was juggling in my head, beforehand.
Four years ago, grief pushed me from wanting to be a writer to actually doing it, and now, my childhood dream of reviewing media and having it read by more than my mother and me is finally coming to pass.
Thank you all!
Now I better get back to the swamp before they realize I'm gone!

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

What not to say on a first date:

Flashback, four years ago almost to the day.
The setting: some miscellaneous theme restaurant. The following dialogue exchange is as true as I remember it.

Nicholas: (On a roll) That's why I stopped eating cake.

Girl: (Dying of laughter, can't even eat)

Nicholas: (Tries to keep it going)...blah, blah, blah, blah. Just like mustaches. There's nothing creepier than a mustache, I mean, a mustache just screams stalker, serial killer. You know, like, I see mustache, I think child-abuser or rapist. I hate those freakin things.

Girl: My father has a mustache.

Nicholas: think...uh...

Girl: I love my dad.

Nicholas: Um...yeah, well I mean, I was just kidding.

Girl: Oh yeah?

Nicholas: Yeah. I'm

Girl: It's okay.

Nicholas: Really?

Girl: No.

Ahh, humiliation.
Anyway, my entertainment site, along with the companion film and music review sites are up, and hopefully, by tomorrow, they will contain reviews.
See ya.
I really was kidding with her. She knew that. Right?
Never seen her again.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005


After completely spilling my heart in a long and thoughtful post that completely exhausted me and only getting one comment (albeit, one heck of a good comment! Thanks again, E!), I have decided it is finally time to expand my blogging world.
I always conceived of some type of site run by me that focused solely on entertainment news, and my entertainment reviews, and since I don't know jack about web design, I am going to do it through a new blog.
To visit my new blog go here
I am going to continue to update my original blog (this one) just as much, if not more than before, though. I am thinking of changing this site to TheNicsperiment:Spirituality, though maybe not, as not every post is very spiritual, and I feel kind of pretentious naming my blog this. That being said, I think I will probably rename this blog TheNicsperiment:Spirituality.
Have a good one!

Monday, May 09, 2005

Dealing with Hate

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
I'm sure you have all missed my rants.
Now, it is time for a rant against the most flawed egotistical jerk in my world.
The concept I want everyone else to carry out is distinctly absent from my life.
Okay, enough, here we go, this is going to hurt.
Last week, some major things went down involving some people in my life. Two friends of mine wronged another friend, perhaps one of the closest of all my friends, basically a friend since birth. My other two friends did something absolutely terrible to my good friend, not only betraying her trust, but taking something away from her that was not their's to take. I am sure you all want more details, but unfortunately, this rant is about me.
Well, my good friend called me as soon as the whole thing went down, absolutely devastated. I was at work, in my swamp habitat, actually waist deep in water at the time.
The year so far has been very interesting for me. Many of you know, I graduated college in the fall and have spent the last five months working for my dad as a crawfisherman here in the strange swamp of south central Louisiana with only a two week trip to Europe three months ago breaking this constant.
It has been strange, working in a huge, muddy, weed-filled reflection of the sky for the last five months, my own reflection constantly distilled by the images of myself I have compiled in 23 years of memory, completely alone except for mudbugs, snakes, and the constant contemplation of 23 years of life led to an uncertain crossroad.
Everyday there is me, and well...there is me.
As I pulled myself out of the water and plopped into the old pickup truck I throw my writhing bounty into, listening to my friend crying her eyes out as she told me what happened, my heart filled with anger. As I hung up the phone, tears filled my eyes, as well, and I stared off at the water through dirty old windows.
My first thought was, don't punch the window! That is stupid, you are not a dumb caveman, you do not break things!
Then, I saw a few loose crawfish scuttle by in the dirt, and I thought, you will not jump out of this truck and start crushing them. They are living creatures, and you are not a child.
That's right, I thought. I'm not a child. I'm the goddamn best person in the world. I'm God's greatest creation. Of course I'm not going to hit something. Of course, I'm not going to crush some innocent little creatures. That's not me. I'm above things like that. Then, I went back to work, but my heart was heavy.
For the remainder of the day, I talked to my good friend several times, and became increasingly angry with what our other two friends had done to her. One of the friends was her boyfriend, you see, and a brother to me. The other had been one of her best friends for a very long time, and a friend to me for a while, as well. As the day went on, I went from infuriated, to almost incapacitated with hatred. I forgot every value or ethic I believed in. My eyes filled with blood.
Then, I opened my mouth, and my mind, and let the garbage spill out.
But, I forget something. I pretend to serve a God that loves unconditionally. I pretend to understand unconditional love myself.
Regardless of the horrible things my friends did to my good friend, and to a lesser extent, me, I am still supposed to love them, right?
It doesn't make any fucking sense at all, though, does it? I mean, they wronged one of my best friends, they wronged me in the process, and I am supposed to love them? Who came up with this horseshit? I mean, it's not like I've ever done anything wrong. It's not like I've ever hurt anybody. I'm the best goddamn person in the world. I'm God's greatest creation.
One time, I told a woman who had a mentally disabled child whose mind would never progress past the age of two that I bet she wished she had had me instead of her "retarded" son. One time, as the same woman's son was playing, I purposely hit him in the head with a baseball, then hid so he would think his sister did it, and he did, and he kicked her, and he hit her. Sometimes, I fantasize that I am making love to another man's wife, and in my imagination she likes it very, very much. I have told so many lies I can't even remember what many of them were, I only have the "rewards" I got as a result, the trophies. I have purchased things that cost the price it would take to feed a child for a year, and I have left them in the corner, and let them fill with dust as my reflection in them grows dimmer and dimmer. One time, my sister made me angry, and I told her "Burn in hell, bitch!" and I meant it. One time, I almost sent my brother to the hospital because he accidentally ate my breakfast.
I'm the best goddamn person in the world.
I'm a piece of shit.
God, this strange abstract concept of a friend I have, apparently thinks I am as good as anybody else, though, and every time I do something wrong, He has to watch, and He loves me, and for some reason, I don't even have to pay equally for every wrong act I commit, because He came to Earth and died as penance for every single one of them.
If someone asked me to climb up on a board, nail myself to it, and let them cut me for every bad thing they had ever done, I would tell them in the thickest country brogue I could muster to go fuck themselves. Apparently, God and I are very different.
And that is why I am one miserable son of a bitch. Every act that I commit against the tenants of God to make myself happy only makes me more dissatisfied, and, in this case, cutting down these two people who wounded someone so dear to me with their terrible act-cutting them down lower than anything I have ever stepped in only made me feel dissatisfied. So now, not only am I distraught for what they have done, I am distraught for what I have done.
Yet, I cannot judge my good friend for hating, because she was wronged far more than I was, and hating is sometimes a part of grief, and none of us are God but God, and if there is hate in her heart, I have no business to condemn her, because I am not the judge of any person's heart.
One of the only good things I did after this terrible event transpired was to build up and encourage my good friend, because she was faultless in the whole ordeal, and she is an awesome incredible person coping with events she did not deserve to have to face, and she needed and still needs her other friends to be there for her, and we will be there, and we love her. I hope and pray that she will one day be purged of all the grief that has been forced upon her, and can trust again, after her trust has been so brutally devoured. I pray that she will be able to move on and live a happy life.
But, now, I pray for my other two friends, as well. I do not pray that they burn in hell. I do not pray that their genitals fall off, or that they get in a car wreck and die, or that everytime they look in the mirror, they will face the same experience that I do-the experience of staring into a reflection and seeing in it not only myself, but also every good thing I have ever killed.
I pray that God will help me to forgive them. I pray that God will help me to love them, as He loves me. I pray that God will restore them.
I pray that God will restore me.
Because hate is like a cancer. It eats away at the good in us. Without God in my life, that hate would eat away until I became the emotionless destroyer, the terrible judge I see in my nightmares that carries out justice to all who wrong, kills every bad thing, kills every good thing.
Those two friends of mine may no longer fall into the category of "friend" but they are still human beings that deserve grace just as much as I do, and for any student of Christianity, you know that grace is grace because we don't deserve it, but we are given it anyway, and now I am very tired, and pimples have broken out on my forehead from worry and grief, and I am filled with regret that I could not simply build up and not tear down, but it is too late, now, and I have repented, and that is all I can do, and I am very, very tired, and there is grace for us all, and tonight, when I sleep, I hope I dream of things I do not deserve, and not things that I do.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Robker is tight

By the way, none of the previous posts are addressed to Robker, who is awesome.
In honor of Robker, here is a poem.
The Sad Parade
It will come through
When heartless wench
Feels Robker's shoe
-And another-
George Lucas, why?
You know Han shot first
I smell pizza
On my shirt
German girls
They're pretty hot
But Ezri Dax
She hits the spot
I read this book
By a man named Kafka
I woke up today
And...crap. Nothing rhymes with Kafka...I hate my life.
-And, finally-
I like Gamecube
Burnout is good
They don't sell hot dogs
In the hood

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Delighted, charmed, and dissapointed. Those were the main emotions I felt throughout this film, sometimes at the same time. As someone who read the books in high school (and absolutely idolized Douglas Adams), I was sad to see that what could have been a great movie was only a good movie, but at the same time, I was overjoyed to see Arthur hanging out in his bathrobe, mice: the true brains behind Earth, and an entire crowd very dissapointed in hearing the number 42 all come alive on the big screen. I wish some of the darker, more edgy humor would have gotten into the film, but I guess they couldn't do that with a PG rating, plus, not everyone is into that sort of thing. Overall, though, good times, plus, HOT DAMN, Zooey Deschanel-to quote "Punchdrunk Love": "I want to chew your face, and I want to scoop out your eyes and I want to eat them, and chew on them, and suck on them." Um, yeah. I got it bad. Someone wants to sleep with someone else, if you're not getting my innuendo, here.
Hey, I'm also excited that we get two (I'm counting on you, Lucas!) decent big budget Sci-fi Fantasty films in a one month span. When's the last time that happened?
My sister reminded me today in conversation that my family is hot. We are probably one of the best looking families on the planet, she said, if not the best looking of all. Every single one of us is hot. Sweet. That would explain what all the fuss is about.
Also, I still contend that "Joshua Tree" was the best album of the 20th century.
Time to watch my tape of tonight's "Lost."
Until, later.
Mmmm. Deschanel.

Monday, May 02, 2005

What has he done?!

Yes, well, the fro has been eradicated, because it is hot, and I needed a change. I like this so much (and I can wash my head in the sink) that I think I will just shave it every other week, or something...probably not. Then, I wouldn't be able to change it up! I just realized this is the longest I have gone without blogging, so I'll try to make up for that, now, but not right now, like in a few hours, or something.
God bless!
P.S. You know you like my tongue!