WHY WEREN'T PEOPLE TELLING ME THINGS LIKE THIS TEN YEARS AGO?
If you are in your early 20's, you need to read this. I turned 31 yesterday, and though I do have a wife and child through some strange grace, I am only now beginning to take steps that will allow me to offer something to the world, and honestly, to them. I am so angry at myself for the naivete I had in my 20's about my own natural abilities and what I could do with them. I wish I could go back, meet my twenty-one year old self in a dark alley, beat the crap out of him, and tell him that being successful does matter. It's so frustrating that at 31, I have to do the things that I should have been doing then NOW. SO. FRUSTRATING.
Anyway, if you think that because you are a nice guy, whatever innate talents you have will just be brought out by the world around you, they won't. You actually have to learn a skill in order to utilize and benefit from that skill.
Anyway, here's the url, if the link above didn't work. If you hate the "F" word, suck it up and read this anyway:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/
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That then led to the second, which was re-learning trigonometry over the fall from that on-line course/test I had to take.
When I used to whine about, "When will I ever use this math stuff in real life?" I wish I could go back, kick myself in the ear, and say, "You can use it to get a degree that will qualify you for a job to make money to feed, clothe, and house you and your future family, idiot!"
Also, actually taking the ducks I killed home and learning how to cook them was my learning cherry on top. Ready to learn a lot more next year.
But it's not so much the content as it is the way the message is sent. I never responded well to barking football coaches and I certainly hate the repeated line of "you are what you give to other people." He says it's not about money, but that's how he keeps framing his statements: life is about a transaction and what you can offer other people.
I think it's mostly because I'm already on the side of doing something that the article doesn't do enough for me. But it does strike me that there are opposite extremes on this issue, and this article is almost on one of them. The opposite end is, of course, the article's intended audience. The guy living in his parent's basement in his 20s, wishing someone would realize how great he is. But the other extreme is almost exemplified by Baldwin's character in the clip (not sure how bad the salesmen are that he's talking to, but it's neither here nor there for this discussion). Get them to sign on the dotted line or you're nothing. You don't have a fancy car? You're nothing. You don't have millions of dollars? You're nothing.
In the end, you have to be something. As the article says, you can't be defined by what you are not (Strunk and White say, humans want to know what is, rather than what isn't). To be something you have to do something, but how you do it also matters. And you don't have to be a millionaire or popular or whatever else culture comes up with to be something important.
Long essay short, be something, do something, but be careful of what you are doing and how you are doing it. And don't be Alec Baldwin... he does bad boss routines far too well. :p
Was going to add that a much better read on this subject is The War of Art by Stephen (sp?) Pressfield. It's a real kick in the pants to go out and do something, but without a lot of the tone issues.
An example that really made the book shine for me--Pressfield writes about finishing his first novel and going to his mentor, all excited that he was finished. They talked about it for awhile and then his mentor asked, "So, what are you going to write next?" So yeah... good job writing that novel or getting that degree or getting that job... now go do something more!
"Well, what are you going to get a degree in?"
"Um. English, I think?"
"You think? Why English?"
"I don't know. I like to write every now and then in my spare time. That could be fun."
"I'm sure it could be, but what are you going to do with the degree?"
"I don't know."
"Do you have any interest in teaching or technical writing."
"No. I have no interest in ever doing either one of those things."
"Well, have you thought about any other majors? It looks like your math and science grades are pretty good. If you don't have any interest in any other fields, there's going to be a great demand for engineers in the future."
"Engineers. Screw that crap. All those guys want to do is make a lot of money and screw chicks. I don't care about any of that stuff. It's not cool, man! Don't care about it at all!"
***NOW, LET ME PAUSE HERE TO SAY THAT I HAD THIS CONVERSATION WITH DOZENS OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE. IT ALWAYS ENDED IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE PREVIOUS TIRADE (WHICH IS IRONIC CONSIDERING I AM NOW MAJORING IN ENGINEERING). WHOEVER WAS SPEAKING TO ME WOULD JUST SAY, "WELL, OKAY THEN," AND THE CONVERSATION WAS OVER. THIS IS WHAT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED NEXT, AND BY THE NON-EXISTENT TOPS BOARD I JUST MENTIONED:
"This isn't about those things, kid. This is about using this time and money to prepare for a successful career. $100,000 isn't something to just throw away."
"Screw success. I don't care about success, not at all."
"So you are saying that you are going to use the state's money just to use it, on a major you admit you have no intention of using."
"Correct."
"Then you aren't ready for college. The money will be placed in a holding fund. This board will reconvene with you in six months to monitor your decision-making progress."
"But that's not fair, I want to go to college."
"The purpose of college is to learn a career or skill, not to kill time until the next thing."
"But this isn't fair!"
"You know what's not fair, kid? That people who actually used their college education properly AND people who didn't even go to college are working their butts off every day to pay for kids like you to waste five years of your lives! You say screw success! That statement is a mark of extreme immaturity! You don't even understand what success means! Success means building a life for yourself and being able to provide for yourself and the ones you love! It means not having to rely on your parents until you are old enough to run for President! Until you can understand these things, college is a waste to you! Get out of this room and think about what we are telling you!"
Unfortunately, that never happened, I wasted five years dinking around at LSU at the taxpayer's expense, and now I'm in my 30's and can barely support my family. If any number of people had gone "Baldwin" on me instead of being scared to press the issue, it might have had an impact. But now, through nobody's fault by my own, here I am, at 31, going back to school for a BACHELOR'S DEGREE.
But we all need a kick in the pants at some time, and what form that kick take is more than likely to vary. ;)
Your story sounds quite familiar to me, actually... I have plenty of students in first year writing who are in the same spot (and worse... I had one student that admitted she was only in college because her parents were "making" her adult self do it. Thank you very little, parents! oh, and student that can't figure out you're an adult!).
I don't know, though. Sometimes you're not able to take advice until you're ready for it. Would twenty year old you have listened to this article back then? Or Alec Baldwin? Hopefully, though there is often a huge difference in upper and lower classmen, and "non-traditional" students that come back to college. Sometimes you just aren't ready. Though of course it's hard to tell us taxpayers that.
And hey, no being down on your degree. You could become a CEO with your English degree: lots of CEOs have those! Hehe. Sounds like engineering is what you need to do/be, so you've got it figured out.
Man, Crystal asked me the same thing. Y'all might be onto something. I sometimes wonder if I could go back in time, if I would even listen to myself. Maybe not. No one was tough on me, but if they had been, I may have just become more apathetic, instead of inspired. Who knows. I know I should just focus forward, but it's so difficult. Maybe I should make it my New Year's resolution.
And hey, no knocks on an English degree for those who know what they want to do with it. Only on those like myself and the students you mentioned who are only picking it because they have to pick something. I can always take the positive tact that, though I've realized writing has only been a hobby for me, at least college did improve my skills and enjoyment of it. And like just about every hobby I've picked up in the last three decades, I have no plans of stopping.
So...this is funny. My wife just came across the Cracked article linked in the post, and pointed out how ridiculous it was. She read it aloud, and I agreed that yes, it was indeed ridiculous. I then remembered that I myself posted it on the Nicsperiment, and spoke favorably about it six years ago.
I've long forgiven myself for getting that English Major I was so angry about above, to the point that I've come around and am happy that I have it. It wasn't just fun to earn. I learned things that helped make me who I am today. To get all hippy-dippy, and maybe it's the amount of therapy I've been in the last six years, and the amount of self-help stuff I've read over that span, or the fact that a few months after I wrote the above post, I was standing ankle deep in the Mississippi at midnight, contemplating taking a few more steps, but I can see now that who you are is itself a gift to the world. There are some great underlying points to the Cracked article, but they are obscured by the tone, just as Neal said. The article posits things in a very transactional, salesman to customer sort of way, where in reality, the amount of love and generosity in the world is equally as important. Whereas six years ago, the Cracked writer seemed like a hero to me, now he just seems like a dick. I say this as someone older and wiser. The self-hating 30-year old who was facing unemployment, living in a trailer in a flood-plain could identify with the article far more than me now, the non-self-hating 36-year old with a (non-doctor/non-salesman!) solid job about to move into a decent home. Not that the trailer wasn't decent. I love this trailer! It's been my family's home for 7/10 of a decade!
I think it is far more important to be at peace with yourself than to find a way to make yourself something the world needs. If you are at peace with who you are (and who you are isn't someone who self-harms, or harms others), you are sure to bring more goodness into the world than someone who is, through their ability to offer something people need, taking something. In other words, and I think I can put this from a religious perspective, as my religion over the last six-years has gotten a lot more Christian and a lot less of the cult doctrine I was raised in, I feel the need to love others because Christ loves me sacrificially, and that love is borne out of a result of something that was freely given to me, not something that I myself was able to offer. This idea posits that perhaps it is actually better to receive than to give...because receiving gives a better appreciation of the act of giving...amd consequently spurs on a greater desire to give.
I did have to refresh my memory a bit with the article, but it was all sounding familiar to me. I'm still appalled at the article's near hero worship of Baldwin in that scene. I actually haven't seen the movie, but I know the context, and it works for the film and what it needs to say, but that doesn't make it some worthwhile life philosophy (it actually speaks to me why unchecked capitalism can become downright evil).
I'm not so hippy-dippy that I think that companies don't need to make sales, however (though Jessica and I have had fascinating conversation about how the early church was basically "communist," no matter how dirty that word is for some and how terribly that economic approach has been used in the 20th and 21st Century). The world is as it is now, and money for better or worse is the system we're living with.
As far as I'm willing to go with that, however, is that you need to find something that makes you a living while you go about the more important process of living. It's downright depressing how many kids are going for a business degree these days because they feel like they need it to pay for college. So... you're going to do that and then hate your life because of that choice? (yes, this is getting tangled with the messed up costs of higher ed, but the point still stands--there are far more people getting business related majors than actually have a real passion for that area)
For what it's worth from the opposite end of the Mississippi (and roughly two hours west), I've always been grateful for your English degree. It very much has made you who you are, some dude I've only met in person once, but who has altered my own life course most positively: you've made me a better thinker and writer, you've introduced me to some truly wonderful bands, and oh, given me many laughs and musings via some truly bizarre and enjoyable stories and blogs.
Most of all, though, you're a friend and I have to say it's quite happy-making to hear you are feeling at peace with yourself (more at peace with yourself? as at peace with yourself as one can be? I myself am not sure where I'm at there, but I feel fairly okay-ish wherever I am at). I also have to say the friend part means a whole heck of a lot to me after losing most of my friends from college over... what? I'm still not sure. It's stupid. Being able to talk to you about life, books, movies, and music is stupidly awesome, though.
I don't care how many masculine man codes I just broke to say all that. Man codes are mostly stupid, too. Keep on, keeping on with your English major self, sir.
English majors forever!!!