Relient K -- Five Score and Seven Years Ago
7/10
This is a tough one for me. I really enjoyed how Relient K's Mmhmm featured some actual punk tempos, but also showed some progressive song-structuring. The album had an edge at moments, and was unpredictable at others. I didn't feel like a youth group pastor just putting on what the kids liked to hear when I listened to it--I legitimately enjoyed it. Five Score and Seven Years Ago is a definite step back from Mmhmm. It begins with a sort of fakeout--"Come Right Out and Say It" and "I Need You" almost sound like direct advancements of the work on Mmhmm, even if they are far more rock than punk. Then, "The Best Thing"'s polished pop-rock rears its head. I won't pretend like "The Best Thing" is a bad song, just a departure into a direction that I'm not overly fond of. I can easily be objective when reviewing genres I don't favor (take my word for it...hahahahahah! You have no choice!), but from there the album becomes a little bit of a drag. "Forgiven" is a downer, especially considering that forgiveness as a concept is quite joyful. "Must Have Done Something Right" is cloying, sticky sweet pop rock with a heavy Beach Boys influence.
"Give Until There's Nothing Left" picks back up on the "this is a huge drag" vibe of "Forgiven," and "Devastation and Reform" grabs that baton and keeps on running. "I'm Taking You with Me" brightens things up, but also makes clear that almost ten tracks in, Relient K have dropped any pretense of being a punk rock band. This is a piano-heavy pop-rock album. Let's start another paragraph.
"Faking My Own Suicide" is the logical conclusion to every creepy, strangely controlling romantic song Matt Theissen ever wrote. I've generally felt a weird vibe from any song he'd penned about relationships with females up to this point, but "Faking My Own Suicide" is out in the open manipulative garbage. It might be appropriating a chapter from Tom Sawyer, but the truth is, this is the kind of stuff my divorced female friends and family who were in abusive marriages have told me their ex's would say to them.
So I’ve made up my mind
I will pretend to leave this world behind
And in the end you'll know I've lied
To get your attention, I'm faking my own suicide
I'm faking my own suicide
Because I know you love me, you just haven't realized
I'm faking my own suicide
They'll hold a double funeral because a part of you will die along with me
I wish you thought that I was dead
So rather than me, you'd be depressed instead
And before arriving at my grave
You'd come to the conclusion you'd loved me all your days
But its too late, too late for you to say
I'll write you a letter that you'll keep
Reminding you your love for me was more than six feet deep
You'll say aloud you would've been my wife
And right about that time, is when I'd come back to life
And let you know
That all along I was faking my own suicide
Because I know you loved me, you just never realized
I was faking my own suicide
I'll walk in the room and see your eyes open so wide
Because you know
You will never leave my side
Until I the day that I die for the first time
And we'll laugh, yeah, we'll laugh and we will cry
So overjoyed with our love thats so alive
Our love is so alive
I can't really point the finger--as a spouse more than a decade in, I've got a hell of a lot of room for improvement--but "Faking My Own Suicide" is the worst "I'm a nice guy, you'll see, I'll MAKE you see" crap I've ever heard. I hope an older, wiser Theissen, ten-years post-writing this, has grown past "Faking My Own Suicide"'s sentiments. Also, it's a damn twee-country song, and I only got three hours of sleep last night.
Thankfully, Five Score and Seven Years Ago ends with its three strongest songs, the rocking headrush of "Bite My Tongue," the fiery, infectious enthusiasm of "Up and Up," and the staggering, eleven minute "Deathbed."
"Deathbed" is a career highlight, Theissen's best storytelling on full display. He does great character work here in service of the tale of a grizzled old man reflecting on his life at its end, and the band do a great job of keeping the music interesting for the duration. As much as I slagged Theissen above, he deserves credit for crafting a great, extremely memorable song here. The surprise appearance by Switchfoot's Jon Foreman at the end only sweetens deal.
Thus ends a record I'm not very fond of, but can't call terrible. It is merely okay, a mix of some truly lousy, unenjoyable songs, and some really good ones. Now that I've reviewed it, outside of "Up and Up" and "Deathbed," I'll probably never listen to it again.
The end.
2007 Gotee/Capitol
1. Pleading the Fifth (a cappella) 1:13
2. Come Right Out and Say It 3:00
3. I Need You 3:18
4. The Best Thing 3:28
5. Forgiven 4:05
6. Must Have Done Something Right 3:19
7. Give Until There's Nothing Left 3:27
8. Devastation and Reform 3:41
9. I'm Taking You with Me 3:28
10. Faking My Own Suicide 3:23
11. Crayons Can Melt on Us for All I Care 0:12
12. Bite My Tongue 3:30
13. Up and Up 4:03
14. Deathbed 11:05
Comments
There's always an edge to pretending you're dead (which can be ameliorated some if they're doing it in a sitcom or something like Roseanne or Home Improvement), but this takes it even further due to the manipulative parts of it. Maybe it's a little like the movie Office Space, where it's funny until it gets too true and you've had experience with that kind of thing, but workplace shenanigans pale against the manipulations of abusive relationships.
I'm saying the above with the honest confession that I've only listened a little to Relient K, so I'm admittedly an outsider to their approach (though I feel like I've heard enough to know what they're like). But this is definitely one of those songs that makes me go "I dunno," no matter what. Kind of like U2's "Big Girls Are Best." Fun sounding song that is a bit disturbing, even if Bono was expressing love for his pregnant wife (you don't really get that context from the lyrics, either).
--Neal
Jeez, Bono! It makes sense that "Big Girls Are Best" is a castoff from Pop, as the tone is off and the song feels rushed (not that Pop doesn't have a few great songs). I get what he is going for, but the music is so lousy (I always dislike when they go for a neo-60's thing, which they admittedly do rarely) and his lyrics are so clumsy, you'd hardly think the best band in history recorded it! Especially when they have so many B-sides that are absolutely golden (like all of the ones from Unforgettable Fire)!