Sigur Rós -- Sæglópur EP

8/10

Since my last review was so me-focused, I'll get an actual review out of the way before I delve into myself. The Sæglópur EP leads off with it's title track, an extended version of one of Sigur Rós' 2005 masterwork Takk...'s choicest cuts. The song builds on the sound of winding clocks and gears into a piano and vocal duet, which shortly builds into an explosion of emotive noise, guitar buzzing like a violin (it's in fact being played with a violin bow, Sigur Rós' trademark, along with singer, Jónsi Birgisson's high-pitched, alien vocals), Orri Páll Dýrason drums all booming toms, and crashing cymbals. The song conjures images of walking at a steady pace in a peaceful, impenetrable bubble, while galaxy-sized, world-shattering fireworks are going off all around you. It feels absolutely huge, and is the climax of Takk...'s first half. Here, it's the opener, and leads to a much quieter place than it's slightly shorter album version. That quieter place begins with "Refur," a beautiful, three-minute piano-only parlor piece. It's a peaceful, relaxing track, leading to the pensive, conflicted "Ó friður." "Ó friður"'s staccato strings build anticipation and hope, which emotionally contrasts with the melancholy piano line and Birgisson's mournful vocal. This is fitting as the song title has a dual-meaning in Icelandic..."peace"...and "war." It perfectly captures the sensation of raising your hand to say something profound, then slowly lowering it and staring off in the distance instead. The EP then ends essentially right at the 22-minute mark, with "Kafari," a track of gentle chimes, and quiet, but hopeful strings. This EP is a pleasant slice of Sigur Rós' more gentle side, though compared to the band's previous oeuvre, it's more a of a text message than a mighty tome...but it is one hell of a text message.

Continuing my story from the last review, but in a much briefer fashion,
Growing up in a cult instilled a codependent nature into my character. It instilled this into nearly everyone who grew up there's nature. Unfortunately, I didn't realize this immediately after I left age at 23. Instead of taking time to find myself as a person and self-actualize, I got married just a year after leaving. Thankfully, I married a pretty incredible person, but unfortunately (for the both of us), I just replaced the cult with her. I tossed off all of my interests and wants, and gave back...nothing.
The person my wife had fallen in love with when we were friends for years before, fell away for someone extremely boring. Instead of having my own life and and joining it to hers, I'd just sit next to her vacantly, and say "I don't know, what do you want to do?" Not that she was perfect either--like anyone, she has her own issues to work through--but I really brought some negative attributes to the table.
I didn't realize that after having someone tell me what to do and who I was for the last 15 years of my life, I needed to actually figure out what I wanted to do and who I was. Instead, I took the things that I did like, like playing video games, following LSU football, listening to music, watching movies, and writing, and tossed them in the trash as "things I used to do before I was in this relationship." This created an extremely uninspiring individual for my new wife to interact with. She had before had the impression that I was cool and rebellious, but I only appeared so because in the context of the cult I grew up in, especially considering I sat the leaders down and told them I was leaving, I was cool and rebellious. When we were just friends, I kept that aspect of my life completely private from her (for fear that she would run far, far away!), and was just beginning my three year process of leaving. Outside of that cult context, I had no identity, and the interests that would have helped shape that, I had thought I had to give up for her...having to give what I enjoyed up was was all I knew. Especially after the cult youth pastor called me on a regular basis to ask, "Have you considered what you need to give up?" He called me demon-possessed multiple times for the music and television shows I liked, and my own mother threw away every single one of my possessions one day when I was in elementary school. Losing white I liked was the only thing I knew.
Living with this outlook and being a complete cipher was horrible for me on a personal level, and it was horrible for the relationship I shared with my wife. It wasn't until I actually starting finding and being myself that the relationship started to work, and I'm quite fortunate she had the patience to wait that long.
Replacing the thought process"What will what I do make her do." with "What is the best thing for me to do? What do I need from this?" was a complete game-changer The first prcoess is why codependency is so common among spouses of addicts. I also think this is why it is so common among cult-goers and ex-cult-goers. In the cult you have lost your sense of self, and can only think in terms of actions, wants, and needs, of the "other." Codependent thinking will only make you miserable, and add to the misery of the person you are codependent on.
In the fall of 2006, in the months leading up to my marriage, I was completely codependent, full of fear, and miserable. That, and the first few months of my marriage, were the worst time in my life, and I am sure they were no picnic for my wife, either. Rather obviously, during that time period, from my engagement, to moments in 2007 and 2008, I did not blog--how could I? I didn't have an original thought in my head. I get pissed off just thinking about it now.
I am thankful that over the last 12-years, I have had the ability and resources to find myself as a person. I think, as I reach my late-30's, I am unfortunately in the same kind of self-actualization phase of your average person in their mid 20's, but I'm just glad I am finally getting there. Many of those I grew up with, particularly those in my age group (younger Gen X'ers), seem to be in the same position that I am, some having it worse than me, and some better.
At my worst, though, in that fall of 2006, this Sæglópur EP was released. It's kind of funny to me how much my reactions to all of these Sigur Rós releases are so emotionally visceral. The previous year, Takk... made me feel so free. In September of 2006, I latched onto those bittersweet notes in "Ó friður" and turned them into outright anticipation of doom. I did not feel that I deserved good things and happiness, and I felt like everything would go wrong and I would lose whatever I had, no matter what I did, so I, in reality, did nothing. I think, if my wife hadn't had to focus so much on law school that fall before our December wedding, she likely would have, and should have left me.
Instead, I remember thinking of "Refur" in her mother's drawing room with a raspy, burning, sick feeling in the back of my throat and mephistophelean butterflies in my stomach. I remember listening to the beautiful strings of "Ó friður" while driving through a tree-filtered sunset on the way to my wife's mom's house one day, and only being able to focus on feelings of my impending doom. Ugh...pathetic.

Resource: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. It's an incredibly useful tool in escaping codependent thinking, and it changed my life.

Also, ironically, a year after this EP was released, I found great hope in a new Sigur Rós album...and made a playlist called "Myself Returns to Me from Wherever It Is I Was, While God Works Miracles." What an emotional rollercoaster these Sigur Rós reviews are!

2006 Geffen
1. Sæglópur 8:12
2. Refur 2:45
3. Ó friður 4:48
4. Kafari 6:11