Halloween (2007 Director's Cut Film Review)

2007 Dimension Films
Written and Directed by: Rob Zombie
Starring: Malcolm McDowell, Sheri Moon Zombie, Tyler Mane, Scout Taylor-Compton, Brad Dourif, Danielle Harris, and William Forsythe
MPAA Rating: Unrated; 121 Minutes
The Nicsperiment Score: 1/10

Michael Myer's childhood is a horror movie. His mom is a stripper at the local club. His stepdad is an abusive, drunken, evil idiot. His baby sister cries, neglected in her crib. His older sister is following in his mother's footsteps. His school is a free range circus for sociopaths. Every animal that comes in range of Michael's house seems to end up dead...oh wait, that's because Michael is MURDERING THEM. He doesn't stop there, though. When a psychotic bully at school mercilessly mocks Michael because of his mother's profession, Michael beats the bully to death. Then he slits his stepdad's throat. Then he hacks up his sister's post-coital boyfriend...then he hacks up his post-coital sister. The only one he spares is baby Angel, and his beloved mother, who comes home to the bloody aftermath. Michael is sentenced to an asylum for the rest of his life, where he grows into a mute, muscular giant, under the care of the stymied Dr. Loomis, who just can't seem to get through to the silent killer. Michael would rather just stay in his room, making and wearing masks...until he's given opportunity to escape. After slaughtering several guards, Michael heads back to his hometown, leaving a sea of carved up bodies in his wake. He's looking for his little sister, now living with an adopted family under an adopted name...Laurie Strode.
Famed film critic, Roger Ebert, once published a book titled I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie, and if I ever did the same, I would include Rob Zombie's 2007 take on John Carpenter's Halloween. Carpenter's 1978 original film is easily one of my favorite horror films, perhaps my ultimate favorite. That film posits its Michael Myers as an unknowable archetypal evil, a spiritual force of darkness that cannot be understood or even fathomed. He moves through the darkness like the spectre of death until he brings his knife down into brutal reality. His counterpoint is Laurie Strode, a teenaged girl (and frequent babysitter) who stands as an archetype of goodness and spiritual purity. In Rob Zombie's Halloween, our introduction to Laurie Strode, over halfway into the film, involves her joking with her mother that she's having sex with the family mechanic, before she gives a graphic demonstration on a donut. That's this 2007 remake in a nutshell. Everyone and everything is grotesque. But what about Michael, who's now given a back story and an explanation for his evil?
My sentiment while watching the film was that Rob Zombie took away the mystique of the story by explaining too much about Michael Myers. I don't care about that. He's supposed to be a force of nature. He's supposed to be almost supernatural. I then did some research into the film to see that John Carpenter used those exact words to describe Rob Zombie's take on his creation. 

There's no mystery here. There's no subtlety. There's no atmosphere but nastiness. There's no thematic depth. Scout Taylor-Compton gives her all as Laurie, but to no end. All the graphic violence and nudity serves a nihilistic vision, all trash and no fun. This director's cut version is even worse, featuring an absolutely egregious, extraneous, gratuitous rape scene, among other uselessly bleak and disgusting additional moments. The good Scout Taylor-Compton performance and a great soundtrack are the only pros here, yet their positive presence somehow make 2007's Halloween worse, by shining a little light on the turgid, noxious sea upon which they float. I HATE THIS MOVIE.