End of Days (Film Review)

1999 Universal Pictures
Directed by: Peter Hyams; Written by: Andrew W. Marlowe
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gabriel Byrne, Kevin Pollak, Robin Tunney, and Rod Steiger
MPAA Rating: R; Running Time: 122 Minutes
The Nicsperiment Score: 6/10

Y2K is approaching! In the last days of 1999, the last days of the 20th Century, the Earth is threatened by something far worse than a computer bug. That's right, Lucifer himself is prophesized to come to Earth and take a mate who'll then birth the Antichrist, resulting in humanity's destruction. The apocalypse is coming, and only one man can stop it. Any guess who that one man is?
It's Arnold Schwarzenegger. That man is Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yes, the Austrian Oak has arrived again to prevent the end of all mankind. In 1999, Arnie was coming off of heart surgery and hoping to get back to form, but here he's asked to bite off more than he can chew. It's not the action beats that hold Arnie down, but the more emotive than usual acting that's asked of him. Then again, no one is watching a Schwarzenegger flick for the acting, and in the usual "look at this guy!" star power and charisma departments, Arnie shines as bright as ever, which is good, as this is one goofy film, and it wouldn't work without him.
I don't think I've done End of Days' plot justice. Satan comes to Earth in the form of Gabriel Byrne, who approaches the role like Shakespeare's Romeo, reaching for the hand of his Juliet, a not willing, but also slightly willing Robin Tunney, who plays it straight and looks great. She should have been in more films. Director, Peter Hyams, and the overall production here are maddeningly inconsistent, as some action beats play great, and some sets and special effects are atmospheric and incredible, and some action beats are rote and some sets and special effects look hokey. The movie also has no business straying this far from the 90 minute mark. But while I wouldn't necessarily describe End of Days as...well, good, it's a hell of a lot of fun. I mean, it's Arnold Schwarzenegger physically fighting the devil across an end of the millennium Manhattan. It's hard not to like this movie, even when Arnie isn't adequately portraying grief, or Hyams isn't lighting a scene well, or Byrne is bringing about the same menace as Muffy, your grandma's Pomeranian. Plus, there's a killer nu-metal soundtrack that, even if you're not a fan of turn-of-the-millennium nu-metal, still inarguably fits perfectly in a film where Arnold Schwarzenegger literally fires a grenade from a train car straight into a leaping Satan's torso just minutes before the clock hits Y2K. There's even a weird and wacky John Debney score, full of channel-panning evil chanting to boot. So if you're an Arnie fan, if you enjoy some end-of-the-century panic (fin de siècle, baby!), or you just want some big, dumb fun, it's hard to go wrong with End of Days.