Lake Placid (Film Review)

1999 20th Century Fox
Directed by: Steve Miner; Written by: David E. Kelley
Starring: Bill Pullman, Bridget Fonda, Oliver Platt, and Brendan Gleeson
MPAA Rating: R; Running Time: 82 Minutes
The Nicsperiment Score: 3/10

Things are going very wrong at Lake Placid...er, I'm sorry, at Lake Black. Why is this movie called Lake Placid again? A giant crocodile has killed a couple of people, and despite the fact that no one lives on or really visits the remote lake (maybe that's why the movie is called Lake Placid?), a ragtag team, composed of a Wildlife and Fisheries agent, a paleontologist, a small town sheriff, and for some reason a mythologist who worships crocodiles, must remove the crocodile from the lake. They all hate each other and constantly argue, while the crocodile stays mostly unseen. Maybe he's tired of all the bellyaching? Will the incessantly squabbling humans ever catch this massive reptile...and why is Betty White here?
Steve Miner has directed some of my favorite B-movies, from Friday the 13th Part 2 and Part III, to Warlock and Halloween: H20. David E. Kelley created several shows I enjoyed in my youth, from Doogie Howser, M.D., to Picket Fences, to Chicago Hope. For some reason, either due to studio interference, or a personality clash, the director/writer duo just don't work well together here. Kelley's script provides few of the types of moments monster movies need to satisfy an audience. His characters are overly snarky and unlikable, and generally beloved actors like Bill Pullman and Brendan Gleeson are strange non-presences in Lake Placid, despite prominent screen time. Miner seems helpless under the shiftless weight of this screenplay and has little time to shine, outside of one fun decapitation, and a brief surprise thrown in at the film's otherwise dull climax. The one figure who undoubtably comes out on top here is White, playing against type as the lake's foul-mouthed sole citizen, who takes pleasure in feeding her crocodile friends (you can take that statement multiple ways). She's essentially the only enduring memory from this almost entirely forgettable film.