The Sopranos Season Two, Episode by Episode Review

EDITOR'S NOTE: IF YOU DON"T CARE ABOUT MY RAMBLING PERSONAL STORY BELOW, SKIP TO THE FONT CHANGE AND CLEARLY MARKED EPISODE 1 REVIEW A FEW PARAGRAPHS DOWN, WHERE THE REVIEWS BEGIN

The Sopranos changed my life. It was the cherry on top of 1999, the greatest year of my life. I was fortunate enough to turn 18 that year, the year human culture and civilization peaked, the greatest year in cinema, one of the greatest years in music, and the year The Sopranos, perhaps the greatest television show ever made, premiered. I was fortunate enough to have a schoolfriend, Robbie, who had HBO, and who thought I should be introduced to the show. He recorded the series for me week to week from nearly the beginning in 1999. In 2000, in the busy months leading up to our high school graduation, he did the same again. However, this time, I fell behind. I think that back in 2000, I had realized that because Robbie was leaving (he had decided to go to college in his native state of Kansas, far away from my beloved Louisiana), I wasn't going to have a direct line to The Sopranos anymore...so I preemptively stopped watching it to spare myself the pain of losing it when he was gone (I mean, I was sad he was leaving too...). Thankfully, TV on DVD soon became a huge market, and these episodes were available on disc barely a year after they aired. As soon as they were, I rented them from Blockbuster...and The Sopranos obsession began anew...

Now, for the first time in over 20 years, and for its 25th anniversary, I'll be running the second season of The Sopranos throughout the rest of 2025, and will post a quick review of every individual episode on this very post. Each new review will appear here on the first day of each month (two in November and December). I can't wait to watch and talk about these episodes. 

Lord above, things ain't been the same since The Sopranos walked into town... 

EPISODE 1 -- "Guy Walks into a Psychiatrist's Office..."
Written by: Jason Cahill; Directed by: Allen Coulter

Originally Aired: 1/16/2000

Season Two opens up with a montage revealing the new, post-Y2K Sopranos normal. Tony seems happy and has sex with his mistress. Christopher pays someone to take the stockbroker license exam for him, then heads up the crew's new boiler room scam. Paulie and Silvio do their thing (in Paulie's case, one of the Bada Bing's strippers). Dr. Melfi, ousted from her office due to the violence against Tony by Livia and Junior, hosts clients in a hotel room. Livia, after a suspicious, stroke-like event, undergoes physical therapy at a hospital. Junior is still in prison. This new normal is immediately upended, though. Tony's best friend and crew member,  Big Pussy Bonpensiero, suddenly appears in Tony's driveway after having been missing for months. The two go down to Tony's basement and have a volatile argument, as Pussy tries to convince Tony that he's been down in Puerto Rico, getting his ailing back worked on and falling in love. Tony is furious that Pussy was gone for so long without contacting him, but Pussy is angry that the crew suspected him of being a rat, when the accusation came from a known dirty cop, and another rat was found. Tony eventually lets Pussy back in, and the crew even give Pussy the money they've collected for him as they did his routes while he was away, but Tony is clearly skeptical about his close friend's innocence. Pussy isn't the only unexpected visitor, though. Tony's hippie older sister, Janice, has suddenly arrived home from her hippie adventures out west. Tony knows this means he's in for paying Janice's bills, debts, and needed repairs, as well as whatever other river of hippie foolishness down which she's decided to sail. However, Janice ends up causing even more stress than Tony envisioned, as she's angry that Tony is selling Livia's old house, and steals the FOR SALE sign from the yard. Janice also doesn't fully understand the reason Tony refuses to associate with their mother in any way (Unbeknownst to Janice, Livia attempted to have Tony whacked in the previous season). A visit from Tony's younger sister, Barbara, the one member of the family who seems to have made a clean break from Jersey and "this thing of ours" can't even help. It must be said that Aida Turturro, who joins the full time cast permanently in this episode as Janice, does an excellent job of making Janice profoundly irritating, the kind of person that doesn't necessarily seem to have ill intentions, but whose actions always cause illness. In this case, Tony receives a visit from his old friend, the panic attack, as he starts to black out and crashes his car yet again. Tony's wife, Carmela, does an excellent job of both proposing the cure for Tony's issues and missing the point completely. Carmela is right that Tony needs Dr. Melfi, who is refusing to associate with Tony ever again (one of Melfi's patients, who couldn't meet at the new hotel office, committed suicide, and Melfi blames Tony). However, Carmela willfully ignores the reasons for Tony's malaise--for instance, she complains it's been forever since they've had sex, but that's because Tony's mistress is already meeting his needs, not because he's stressed (Carmela can both smell the mistress on Tony's clothes AND is awake when Tony comes home late every night); also, Tony is stressed because he is a mob boss involved in a Carmela-benefitting illicit criminal enterprise, where death and prison are always lurking around the corner, not just because life has brought changes. Still...life goes on. Tony has a gossiping capo, Phillip Parisi, whacked. Christopher predictably messes up his new boiler room job and Tony has to scold him. Tony's crew is still making money. In "Guy Walks into a Psychiatrist's Office..."'s final scene, Tony comes home from lunch to find Carmela in the kitchen. The camera focuses on a more than usually made up Carmela, as she moves around the kitchen. Carmela's body is objectified in a way that the audience can both see that she is desirable and that Tony finds her desirable. However, when Carmela offers to warm up some leftovers, a grateful Tony takes them, then sits at the kitchen table in silence as Carmela sits across from him and begins to open the mail...and suddenly, Carmela no longer feels like an object of desire...but Tony's surrogate mother.

EPISODE 2 -- "Do Not Resuscitate"
Written by: Robin Green & Mitchell Burgess and Frank Renzulli; Directed by: Martin Bruestle

Originally Aired: 1/23/2000

Deceit, including self-deception, are at the heart of The Sopranos. Neither one of Tony's families would work without it. Carmela, Meadow, and Anthony, Jr. all know that their patriarch is a mob boss, but they have to live day to day pretending that he is a run of the mill businessman. Tony and his crew engage in violent and duplicitous behavior, and yet act like they are upstanding citizens. New characters and plotlines in Season Two heighten this tension with the the truth, and "Do Not Resuscitate" makes this element of the show as explicit as ever. The episode kicks off with trouble at a construction site. A group of black men, led by the Reverend Herman James, Jr., are picketing the site. The owner of the company, Jack Massarone, is already providing Tony kickbacks in the form of no-show jobs, but Tony insists that if Massarone wants help with the protestors, he needs to pay up. Massarone does, and Tony later sends a goofy crew of mobsters with bats to break up the protests. Meanwhile, Tony finally breaks the ice with his Uncle Junior, visiting him in prison. In one of the episode's more bizarre cases of self-deception, Junior is obsessed with getting Tony to forgive Livia...because Junior has somehow convinced himself that Tony's mother had nothing to do with the previous season's hit attempt on Tony. Despite the fact that Livia not only wanted the hit on Tony, but played Junior like a fiddle in order to have the hit carried out, Junior wants Tony to forgive Livia and blames himself for Tony hating her. Tony saw the smile on Livia's face when she faked having a stroke at the end of the previous season, as Tony accused her of trying to have him killed, and he knows his evil mother without a doubt is the one who tried to orchestrate his demise. She is the villain in Tony's story, as concrete evidence backs up the fact that the infanticide obsessed mother tried to have her own son murdered. Deep down, Junior knows it too, but the old man has convinced himself it isn't the case. There are even FBI recordings, which Tony has heard, that prove Livia consciously manipulated Junior into carrying out the hit on Tony, but the old man won't relent. Even when Junior gets out of prison, is relegated to house arrest, slips and has a violent fall in the shower, refuses an ambulance, and has to humiliatingly have Tony carry him to the car for a ride to the hospital, the hobbled old man is still begging Tony to make peace with his murderous mother. Meanwhile, Tony's newly arrived in Jersey sister, Janice, is also trying to make peace with Livia. Janice still doesn't know that Tony hates Livia because Livia tried to have Tony whacked, but after visiting with Livia a few times, she at least understands and is reminded of how difficult and acidic their mother is. Janice has been frustrating Tony's attempts to sell Livia's house. After Janice plays some old timey music that strikes a chord with Livia, Livia suddenly admits that she has money hidden somewhere in her house. Luckily for Janice, Tony has grown so frustrated with having his mooching sister sharing his house, while also constantly having to hear that sister talk about Livia's house, that he tells Janice that she and Livia can be stuck together at the old matriarch's place. He gives Livia's home to them, finally getting the annoying Janice out of his mobster's fortress of solitude, while also ensuring he no longer needs to worry about his mother's house. Perhaps this move is not so lucky for Janice, though. As much as Janice tells herself that her motives are altruistic, and that she is moving in with her mother to take care of her, the money is the actual motivator...and a moment late in the episode, where Livia whines on and on, and Janice dreams of pushing her down the stairs proves it. Livia also gets her taste of the episode themes through the title, as she hears that Tony and Janice have discussed a "Do Not Resuscitate" plan involving her. Saying "I don't know what you're talking about" when she knows exactly what someone is talking about is an ongoing Livia gag, but this information actually seems to strike a chord in the duplicitous, wicked old woman that she can't pretend not to understand. This episode also acts as the introduction for Bobby Baccalieri, who will become an integral character for most of the rest of The Soprano's run. Bobby, grossly overweight, is known as the "nice" mobster. He has never killed anyone, and that holds true for the majority of the series' run. He is known for his virtues...but he is a mobster. Mostly removed from the action this episode is the returned Pussy, who meets with his FBI handler--as indignant as Pussy acted toward Tony in the previous episode about accusations of being a rat, Pussy is, indeed, a rat. However, no one in the series is as easy or consummate a liar as our sociopathic main character, Tony. Early in the episode, Tony tries to visit Reverend James, Jr.'s home. The Reverend is out, but his elderly father is in. Tony is pleased to find that the old man is a World War II vet. Throughout the series, Tony has shown to have a minor obsession with World War II, and he excitedly asks James, Sr. if he ever watches the History Channel. James, Sr. responds that he does not watch television. At the end of the episode, Tony returns, only to find that James, Sr. has passed away. He gives his condolences to James, Jr....and an envelope with his share of the cash from Massarone. It turns out that Tony and the not so good Reverend were colluding together. The Reverend was only picketing at Tony's secret behest, so that the two men could milk the poor construction owner for more money.  Fake a crisis, and an unknowing Massarone, who is already paying, has to pay up more to make it go away. The ethics of this aren't anything that will keep Tony awake at night. And now that Janice is out of his house, he'll sleep more soundly than ever.

EPISODE 3 -- "Toodle-Fucking-Oo"
Written by: Frank Renzulli; Directed by: Lee Tamahori
Originally Aired: 1/30/2000

After receiving a tip from a policeman "friend," Tony drives to his mother's vacant house, only to find that his drunken daughter, Meadow, has thrown a party that exploded from just a few friends, to a huge crowd of heavy drinkers and drug users. Though the cops break things up, the house is totally wrecked. Tony angrily drives Meadow home, though the next morning, he and Carmela struggle with how to punish her, somehow feeling like Meadow has all the power. They settle on a punishment a secretly smirking Meadow has decided, a three-week credit card confiscation, though now they're subject to Meadow's frequent requests for cash, as she needs money for gas and other things. Janice, soon to move into the now wrecked house with Livia, pops in to find the place trashed and drenched in vomit and spilled beer. She then speeds to the Soprano household, where she's staying for free, throwing a screaming fit about Meadow's actions. An incensed Tony and Carmela tell Janice she has no right to tell them how to parent, and Janice storms off as if she too is their teenage daughter, with Meadow peeping in on the argument from upstairs. But there is much worse trouble brewing outside the Soprano household. In Season One, boss, Jackie Aprile, passed away, making room for Tony and Junior's battle for Jersey mob leadership. It turns out that Jackie has an older brother, Richie, who has been in prison for the last ten years, and Richie, who is also uncle to Adriana La Cerva, has been released. Richie leaves prison like a ball leaves a cannon, immediately heading to his former associate's pizza parlor, and brutally beating him in front of all of his customers and employees. Richie then comes back to his mob brethren with a huge chip on his shoulder, and threatens Christopher to never lay hands on his niece again (unless Christopher marries her). Though Richie is given gifts by the others and promised that he will eventually be given back what he once had by current acting boss, Tony, Richie is indignant, claiming that Tony has no right to give what does not belong to him. Tony promises the pizza parlor owner, Beansie, that he will protect him from Richie, but Richie shows back up and attacks Beansie with his car, likely crippling Beansie for life (guesting action film director, Lee Tamahori, cues up these violent beats better than they've ever been done on the show before). Tony then tells Richie that he better shape up, or that there will be a problem, but Richie is clearly not impressed by Tony's show of intimidation. As Richie, David Proval gives an incredible performance, as, despite James Ganfolfini's acting prowess and much larger size, Richie's lack of fear is completely believable. In fact, if anything, it is Richie, with his shark-like stare and constant irritation, that's intimidating. Richie also makes romantic moves on Janice, who he apparently dated in high school, running into her at yoga, which he says he picked up in prison to mellow out--humorous, as Richie is clearly the least mellow character the show has yet introduced. Richie also makes moves toward Livia and Junior, trying to get on their better side to get a leg up on Tony. Incredibly, in just this one episode, Richie Aprile feels like he's always been around and like more of a threat to Tony than anyone ever has. And finally, Tony, while out with his crew and Brooklyn boss, Johnny Sack, sees Melfi. Or rather, Melfi, who is out getting tipsy with some girlfriends, sees Tony. She and her giggling friends say hello, and as she's leaving, she tells Tony "Toodle-oo!" Melfi is later angry with herself, telling her own therapist she behaved like a ditzy girl. Here the episode receives its title and a decoder for its central theme. Melfi is starting to feel like she abandoned a patient, Tony, at his time of greatest need, and is starting to feel guilty. In fact, instead of being proud that she left behind the toxic relationship she had with Tony as his therapist, she now feels like she deserted her responsibilities as a therapist. The consequences for Tony's actions toward Melfi late in Season One should easily be that Melfi never sees him again. The decision to stop seeing Tony--Melfi's first instinct--was correct. However, now it appears that Melfi will once again be Tony's therapist, and the mob boss will face no consequences for his actions. Likewise, Meadow threw a huge party in Tony's mother's house, trashing it, and her consequences are essentially zero, as she may not have a credit card, but still has parents who pay all her expenses. Janice yells at the owners of the house where she stays for free, but Carmela later apologizes and tells Janice she can stay as long as she wants. Richie beats up Beansie, receives a warning, then cripples Beansie for life, then receives...another warning. The Sopranos world is full of bad behavior and there are rarely consequences, at least not early on. The Sopranos world is also populated by sociopaths, chief among them Tony himself. As "Toodle..." comes to a close, Tony returns to his mother's house to have the locks changed, only to receive one of the biggest shocks of the entire series. As our central character looks into the window, he sees a sweating, dirty Meadow, on her hands and knees, scrubbing vomit off the old wooden floors. This easily, with any common sense employed, with any enforcement of "you made this mess, you clean it up," should have been the punishment administered by Tony and Carmela. Two parents who clearly understand right and wrong, actions and consequences, would never think that a child who has just made a mess has all the power. This should have been an easy punishment for Tony and Carmela to devise, and they should have had Meadow cleaning up the moment she sobered. Instead, it is a self-directed punishment. Meadow might be as morally compromised as anyone else on The Sopranos--her clothes and home and Discover card are bought and paid for with blood--but unlike her father or the volcanic Richie Aprile, the properly self-mortifying Meadow has a conscience.

EPISODE 4 -- "Commendatori"
Written by: David Chase; Directed by: Tim Van Patten
Originally Aired: 2/06/2000

The old expression "wherever you go, you take yourself with you," is fully exercised in Season Two's "Commendatori," which sends three of The Sopranos' most prominent characters, including its lead, to Italy. Tony has to visit a distantly related crime family in Naples, The Camorra's, in order to move some stolen cars. Tony takes Paulie and Christopher along with him, but on account of this being a business trip, leaves Carmela and the rest of his family behind. Carmela is resentful, but later seems secretly overjoyed when she gets to live vicariously through Pussy's wife, Angie, who confides to Carmela that she has decided to leave her often absent and callous husband. Carmela gleefully passes on this juicy gossip to anyone who will pick up a phone, but when she gives the issue more thought, she realizes that she can't leave Tony, and that Angie will be free, while she herself is stuck. Eventually, Carmela confronts Angie to try to make sure she also stays trapped in her misery, using the pair's shared Catholic faith as a reason not to break the sacrament of marriage. A constantly droning "Con te partirò" by Andrea Bocelli slyly soundtracks this melodrama, but little does Angie know, one of the reasons her husband has been so absent and callous, even to her recent cancer scare, is that he is currently under the thumb of the FBI. While meeting with his government handler, Agent Lipari, at a distant Party store, Pussy runs into Jimmy Bones, a mob associate who moonlights as a party clown. A terrified Pussy could care less about Angie's biopsy, until he whacks Jimmy and no longer has to worry about the mouthy clown ratting. Pussy heads straight home from hammering the clown to death with a bouquet for his wife, and though she beats him with the flowers, there's a looming feeling in the petal-filled air that she's no longer going to leave him. Apparently, Carmela won't be losing her fellow Bocelli fan and partner in married-to-the-mob misery. Meanwhile, Tony's big trip to Italy isn't going as expected. The Camorra boss is old and senile, his son-in-law is in prison, and his daughter, Annalisa, is essentially acting as head of the family. While the sultry woman's first interactions with Tony feel flirtatious--so much so that our lead antihero is soon having sex dreams of her where he's dressed as a centurion--she soon proves herself to be a tough negotiator. Meanwhile, Christopher, who blabs nonstop of visiting classic Italian landmarks, notices one of the Italian mobsters has track marks on his arm, and spends the rest of the episode shooting up in a hotel room, just as he would back in New Jersey. Paulie is more game to explore all Italy has to offer, but he constantly annoys Tony, while finding all his attempts at connecting to Italy and its citizens rebuffed...until he finally employs a prostitute...just as he would have in Jersey. Paulie also mistakenly picks up the term (and episode title),  "Commendatori," as a greeting, not realizing it is an ancient honorific that is no longer in use, befitting The Sopranos' overall themes and Tony's Season One line, "I came in at the end. The best is over," quite well (the doomy jazz that plays at the Italian restaurant during the episode's central meeting with the Camorra's furthers this feeling). Meanwhile, Tony lowers the offered price on the stolen vehicles under the condition that Annalisa will send Furio, one of Annalisa's best men, to work in Tony's crew back in America. Annalisa accepts, and it seems the trip is a success for both parties. However, on the trip home, Tony reveals that he got the vehicles for far, far less than Annalisa is paying him, pulling a big swindle, just like he would have done in Jersey. As the trio arrive back home, Christopher hurriedly buys souvenirs at the airport, while Tony is sullen, missing Italy. However, as he looks upon the smokestacks and grey urban decay of home, Paulie smiles. Tony arrives home with boxes of luxury Italian goods and calls for an upstairs Carmela. Carmela hesitates for a moment, but then proves who she will be throughout the rest of the series: no matter how much she might think about, play at, or even begin or work through the process of leaving...she won't. 

EPISODE 5 -- "Big Girls Don't Cry"
Written by: Terrence Winter; Directed by: Tim Van Patten
Originally Aired: 2/13/2000

Christopher shows up to a massage parlor with Adriana, but the parlor is barely a front for a cathouse, run by a coke-sniffing older man and his Asian wife. Christopher has come to collect, but Adriana blows the horn outside impatiently--she's gifted Christopher several sessions in an "Acting for Screenwriters" class as a gift, and she doesn't want him to be late. After being screamed at by the Asian wife, Christopher ineffectually demands the money from the coked out owner. In a pointed moment, full of metaphor for the rest of his storyline this episode, Christopher looks for an object to teach the parlor owner a lesson and grabs an artist's paintbrush off a desk, sticking it in the owner's nose before finally accepting the smaller than expected payout and leaving. Meanwhile, Tony and his crew are eating at Artie Bucco's restaurant for the first time this season, as Bucco makes his first appearance in Season Two, in an episode that reestablishes some of Season One's rhythms. Tony takes Artie aside and asks if he can give Tony's "cousin" from Italy, Furio, a job in his kitchen, to help with the immigration (Tony says he'll pay Furio himself). Ironically, the non mafioso Artie is one of the first to know Furio is coming over, as Tony slowly breaks the news to his crew that they'll be receiving an Old Country addition. Paulie and Silvio take this news well because Furio's arrival also means promotions for the two of them...but Pussy doesn't take it so well, as he's passed over and left out of the loop. This brings Pussy closer to his FBI handler, who can commiserate, but also shows Tony's subconscious leadership savvy--somewhere deep down, he knows Pussy is a rat. Savvy or not, though, Tony is finding himself losing control of his moods. He sweats profusely throughout the episode, and can't stop throwing angry tantrums, beating up a fellow boater when he's goaded out at the dock with his mistress, and ripping the family phone from the wall when he learns Janice is using their mother's house for security on a loan. The latter leads to Tony storming into Livia's house, only to find Richie there in his nightclothes. The two face off in another angry conversation, with Richie again holding his own against Tony. Richie tells Tony that he and Janice have rekindled their high school romance, and Tony lets Richie know that Janice is Richie's problem now. After Furio arrives to a welcome party at the Soprano's residence, Tony visits Hesh for the latter's first significant Season Two appearance. With no therapist in his life, Tony tries to fill the role with Hesh. At first, this proves fruitful, as Tony discovers that his father suffered from the same panic attacks Tony does, but Hesh, particularly upon return visits, just doesn't care to listen to Tony ramble on. Lucky for Tony, he receives a call from Melfi at the time of his greatest need--she just can't stay away from Tony, not only feeling guilty for abandoning him, but admitting that seeing him was "therapeutic" for her. Totally deceiving herself to Tony's nature, she says "He can be such a little boy sometimes," just as the episode cuts to Tony pulling up to the massage parlor with Furio, as the boss hands Furio a bat and tells him to go to work. In one of the series' most brutal and shocking scenes, a violently efficient Furio beats the owner's wife (Tony had told Furio that she was the major issue), hits numerous prostitutes while dragging the wife into the main office, then brutally beats the owner before shooting him in the knee (Tony is shown smiling outside when he hears the gunshot). As Furio robs the owner of every cent lying around the massage parlor office, Melfi calls Tony, and Tony, knowing he has Melfi wrapped around his finger, tells her he doesn't need her. However, she still pencils Tony in, and he's sitting there waiting outside her office when it comes time for the session. The first session back is awkward at first, until Tony mentions to Melfi that his father had the same panic attacks he does. Melfi asks what Tony wants from their sessions and Tony says he "wants to stop passing out," before saying "I want to direct my anger and my power toward the people that deserve it," a blunt statement, that, if Melfi had more self-awareness in the situation, tells her directly that by seeing Tony, she is making him a better criminal. She evens says, facetiously, "If you want to be a better gang leader, read the Art of War," saying this as if it isn't what Tony has been doing with their sessions all along, but Tony reminds her that she called him. Tony even tells Melfi exactly what he was doing when Melfi called him, smiling as he does so, but Melfi proceeds on with the session as if she's talking to someone who had a simple domestic issue, asking Tony, "How did it make you feel?" It's back to therapeutic business as usual, as the session evokes the terrorizing thrills of a rollercoaster for Melfi that her own therapist just tried to get her to understand she is using the sessions with Tony to receive. Meanwhile, Christopher is a savant in his acting classes. He takes to the exercises naturally--in fact, this may be the only time in the entire series that Christopher is shown to be competent at anything. During a performance of a scene from Rebel Without a Cause, Christopher blows away his classmates and instructor, as he sobs on cue during a father and son moment. However, this is The Sopranos. Instead of realizing that he's been on the wrong career path, Christopher, the unnatural gangster, but natural artist (again, the paintbrush he subconsciously chooses as a weapon at the start of the episode is no accident), immediately self-destructs. In a scene with the classmate who had played his father in the Rebel Without a Cause reenactment, Christopher suddenly loses it and beats the man (of all the "Wait, where are the cops?" moments in The Sopranos, this might be the most ridiculous, as there are many witnesses, the cops would have been called, and Christopher would have been picked up). Adriana tells Christopher that perhaps his strong emotional reaction is coming from his own complicated feelings about his father's death back when he was a young child, and Christopher's subsequent feelings of abandonment. Whatever the case, the show immediately makes up for the silliness of Christopher's consequence free beating in the earlier scene with one of the most haunting final scenes in its history. To the ghostly strains of Daniel Lanois' spectral "White Mustang II," Christopher lies in bed, unable to sleep. He lights a cigarette, sits on the couch and looks through his screenplay drafts, then suddenly grabs them all, shoves them into a trash bag, and walks them out and throws them into the dumpster. In yet another visual choice that can't be accidental, this trash bag is pure white...and the bags surrounding it in the dumpster are pitchest black. Christopher walks away through a highly illuminated hallway. He could have been a great actor. Instead, he'll be an awful mobster. 

EPISODE 6 -- "The Happy Wanderer"
Written by: Frank Renzulli; Directed by: John Patterson
Originally Aired: 2/20/2000

"The Happy Wanderer" is a deceptively complex, yet seemingly straightforward entry in The Sopranos' second season. After the opening credits, Tony, Carmela, and Meadow sit through a droning presentation at Brown University, Meadow zoning out. Tony leaves to use the john, along with Artie Bucco, who has catered the event, hoping it will give his own child a college admissions leg up. The episode's major guest star, the T-1000 himself, Robert Patrick, then saunters into the men's room. Patrick, largely against type, plays David Scatino, a sporting goods store owner and gambling addict, who begs his old childhood friend, Tony, to let him into a big mafia card game. Tony tells David that the game is too big leagues for him, that he should just be worrying about colleges for his soon to graduate son, but the wiry and desperate small-timer can't take no for an answer. Meanwhile, Tony's anger from the previous episode has carried over into this one. In an episode title spouting session with Melfi, Tony admits he'd like to smash her face in before explaining that really, his anger is at "The Happy Wanderer." Anyone who has listened to a narcissistic person at length will be familiar with Tony's verbiage, as he sets up the strawman of the happy-go-lucky person on the street with a "clear head," who Tony envies and wants to commit violence upon. Melfi throws out therapeutic suggestions, but Tony tells Melfi that he resents her making him feel like a victim, that he isn't one, and that he is more like The Happy Wanderer than he is the weak victims he sees leaving Melfi's office when he arrives. James Gandolfini won an Emmy for his performance in this specific episode, but it might as well have been for any moment he was onscreen this season. Tony then meets up with Uncle Junior to discuss the big, upcoming "Executive Game," as Tony is taking over the event from his aging, house-arrested uncle, but an edgy Junior drops two bombs, first that Tony's father left a huge and hidden sum of money for Livia, and second that Junior and Tony's father had a secret, mentally disabled brother named Ercole. Tony is perplexed by this sudden revelation, but Junior says "the past is the past and the present is the present." Meanwhile, David has wormed his way into a small time mobster card game where he ends up owing a large debt to Richie Aprille, and Richie threateningly tells David after a light payment that not only does he want his money back with interest, but he doesn't want to see David at a Mafia card game again. After preparations, the big Executive Game finally happens (at the Hasidic Motel from the previous season's "Denial, Anger, Acceptance"). The scale of the game is large enough to where even Frank Sinatra Jr. is there. Sure enough, David comes knocking at the door, and after one more warning to stay away from Tony, David worms his way into the game, after borrowing $5,000 from the finally relenting central Soprano. After David experiences some early success that causes the normally even-tempered Silvio to lose it on Christopher's underlings, David ends up down tens of thousands of dollars. Richie just happens to show up and blows up on David, effectively ending the game. Tony then has to blow up on Richie to save face, though the players still want to leave, and the gulf between Tony and Richie is further churned (Tony and his crew still end up making bank by hosting the Executive Game, their bounty revealed to the audience in a classic Sopranos moment after all the non-crew players have left). Tony then lets David know just how serious paying him back immediately is, but to further complicate matters, David's son, Eric, is practicing a duet with with Meadow for the high school's cabaret night, and Meadow is even catching rides with Eric in his SUV. A fairly unimportant non-blood-related relative dies in a ridiculous offscreen accident, and Melfi points out in a session that Tony did not suffer this Happy Wanderer's fate. Tony is unimpressed, though he at least has to smirk after he tells Melfi about his just revealed uncle, and Melfi asks if having a mentally-disabled relative makes him feel better about going to therapy. The funeral of the non-blood-related relative ends up acting as the episode's surprise centerpiece, as Richie tries to privately apologize to Tony in a side room and Tony only gets angrier...leading to a Janice and Richie car ride home where Janice eggs on Richie to step up to Tony like she's a hippie Lady Macbeth. Meanwhile, Tony can't stop looking over at his wailing mother, thinking about the money she has hidden somewhere, and lightly licking his lips. Tony then heads to the sporting goods store, and beats the at first flippant David, who has none of the money. David goes to Artie to ask for help, but when Artie hears that Tony is involved he throws up his hands and says there's nothing he can do. A  hopeless David takes away his son's SUV and gives it to Tony as payment, and then Tony gives the car to Meadow, who immediately realizes that it's Eric's car, and that she wants nothing of it (there's a humorous juxtaposition in Eric's angry entitlement, when David takes the vehicle away). Tony chews out Meadow, insisting that Eric's father made his bed and has to lie in it, even if it hurts her friend, and if she doesn't like it because of how it ended up in their garage, then she must be unappreciative of everything Tony' work provides for her lifestyle, and she can go sleep at the bus station. Ironically, Tony uses the same language that Richie just used on him, telling Meadow she is acting "holier than thou," when Richie had told Tony he acts "holier than thou" for condemning things Richie thinks Tony would do if he were in Richie's position (Carmela knows that she would be a hypocrite to step into this conversation and she can only shrug). On the big day of the cabaret, Janice, Richie, and Livia all show up (Richie supplicant, Tony not having it), but Eric unloads on Meadow, blaming her for the loss of his SUV because of who her father is (he lets his degenerate gambler father skate by on the moral highway). Just like with the car, it's Meadow who wins again, as without David, she now gets to perform a solo version of "My Heart Will Go On," a solo performance apparently more attractive to colleges. The cabaret show begins, ironically with a girl singing  "Gretchen am Spinnrade" in German. The song is an adaptation of a section from Goethe's "Faust," rather fittingly about a bargain with the devil, but the credits immediately roll on Tony looking off with something else on his mind and the song changing to what's in his head, Frankie Yankovic's "The Happy Wanderer." After being the recipient of so much earthly goods and wealth due to others' misfortune and his own criminal enterprise, Tony still can't get that stupid Happy Wanderer out of his head.

EPISODE 7 -- "D-Girl"
Written by: Todd A. Kessler; Directed by: Allen Coulter
Originally Aired: 2/27/2000

 
Anthony Junior has taken his mom's car out for a not so joyride with friends, when he accidentally sideswipes a trailer. Meanwhile, the family's other resident screwup, Christopher, is at a fancy club with Adriana, meeting up with his cousin, Gregory, and Gregory's girlfriend, Amy, who works in Hollywood as Jon Favreau's assistant. There is immediately an air of artifice, as Amy mistakenly says Christopher and Adriana are from New York (a smiling and happy Adriana corrects her with "Jersey"), then compliments Adriana's earrings in a way that feels fake, but real enough to Adriana. Amy offers surface level talk about Hollywood that delights Adriana, who then mentions Christopher's screenplay to Amy (unbeknownst to Christopher, Adriana has kept a copy). A loud group of Wall Street bros keep bumping into Amy, and Christopher gets up and whispers something into their leader's ear, obviously about being a made guy, and they immediately leave, which immediately intrigues (and turns on) Amy. And now the episode moves to its key scene, set in Christopher's living room, which might be simple exploitation in any other show, but is essentially a Rosetta stone for this character and his behavior throughout the rest of the series. As Christopher sits in an easy chair and smokes a cigarette, Adriana undresses in front of him. They talk about their night, until Adriana is wearing nothing but lacy underwear. She is, without mincing words, physically perfect, but it's everything she represents here that makes Christopher's actions throughout this series more egregious. As this Helen of Jersey recaps the night with Christopher, she begins to bring up HIS hopes and HIS dreams, and then she ENCOURAGES them, showcases a coupling of incredible looks and investment that men fight wars over. After all, Adriana is the one who paid for Christopher's acting classes several episodes back, classes where Christopher showed virtuoso ability, in fact, his only actual talent in life, before he sabotaged the situation, then threw away all his writing to boot. Adriana has essentially hung on to the one final remnant of Christopher's artistic life in the hopes that Christopher will fulfill the dreams that will actually make him happy, instead of just flailing around as his uncle's mobster lackey. Meanwhile, as shown in the previous scene in opposition to Amy, Adriana represents something real, something legitimate, and more than anything, something tangible. Christopher, predictably, blows his chance. Christopher meets Favreau (playing a slimy and ingratiating version of himself), and is an asset on set with realistic dialogue advice. But then Christopher haphazardly tells a mob story that will blow back on him, then strikes up an affair with Amy, and well, does a lot of blow, all while ditching out on Adriana, who was supposed to tag along. He's quickly used by Favreau and Amy, then spat out (in a great visual metaphor, Amy holds her shoes out of Christopher's reach in an elevator love scene), though he at least has one weak and fleeting moment of triumph, when he calls a parting Amy a "D-Girl," short for development girl, a great insult to someone who thinks they're far farther up the Hollywood ladder than they really are ("Excuse me, I'm a Vice President!" she yells back, looking and sounding ridiculous, even though she's standing far above him in the frame). Meanwhile, A.J.'s wreck is quickly the least of the Soprano family's problems. Little Anthony is having an existential crisis after reading Camus at school, which enrages Tony, until Melfi mentions that Anthony may have embraced that "the only absolute truth is death" and Pussy mentions "like father, like son." Anthony wants to skip out on his Catholic confirmation, but Pussy, his confirmation sponsor, tells him at the batting cages, "If you're looking for a purpose in life, doing what's right is your purpose." In yet another metaphor for the entire show's mission statement, A.J. finally makes solid contact with one of the baseballs, then throws the bat down in disgust, hating the sensation of actually hitting the ball. A later conversation with a true existential nihilist, his grandmother, Livia, further snaps A.J. out of his philosophical pretensions (among other things, she tells him "You die in your own arms."). Pussy is having quite the crisis himself, as his FBI handler insists he wear a wire to the confirmation. This first leads to a domestic dispute where Pussy wrestles his wife, who has busted into the bathroom as he is wiring himself, to the floor and threatens to kill her (Pussy’s college-aged son, who encouraged A.J. previously at the batting cage, breaks up the fight). After the confirmation, there's a big party at Tony's house, where the Soprano parents catch A.J. smoking weed in the garage. Tony and Carmela (the latter of whom has only offered empty and vacuous platitudes all episode, despite spending most of last season with a priest!) are enraged. However, Pussy has one last heart to heart with his de-facto nephew, and talks up Tony (A.J. wishes his father was great now instead of just apparently in the past), starts tearing up, and gives A.J. an emotional hug. Downstairs, Christopher arrives late, and Tony is furious. Earlier in the episode, Christopher was late for a dinner with Tony, Carmela, and Adriana, then showed up angry, was rude to Adriana when talk turned to marriage, and stormed off. A teary-eyed Adriana told Tony and Carmela how supportive she had been of Christopher, and even his dreams and his screenplay. When Tony hears the word "screenplay," he nearly explodes, and now he unloads on Christopher, giving him the option to leave forever and chase what's calling him, but to never come back. If he stays, though...he's in with Tony and the mob forever. Predictably, Christopher stays. He's experienced an evil side of Hollywood that's almost worse than the Mafia, but at the same time, he only did so while following his worst impulses. Meanwhile, outside the festivities, the FBI sit in their van discouraged...while inside, the Soprano family start to pose for a picture, wondering where the confirmation sponsor has gone. Pussy is upstairs...sobbing in the bathroom. Any chance he ever had to get out is long gone. This all happens in one hour-long episode.

EPISODE 8 -- "Full Leather Jacket"
Written by: Robin Green & Mitchell Burgess; Directed by: Allen Coulter

Originally Aired: 3/05/2000

Meadow Soprano of Jersey is talking about going to college at Berkeley. Her parents aren't so excited by the idea, particularly Carmela, who may not want her daughter to be so far away...or may not want her to be free of the mob life Carmela herself knows she'll never escape. Anthony Junior mentions college, but Tony tells him he's "gotta crack the books," as the show humorously cuts to an overweight, unconscious guard's face, while Christopher and his two dopey underlings try breaking into a safe. These two sidekicks haven't exactly proven themselves to be be Jersey's best and brightest, but they personally feel like the tiny piece of the pie they get after Christopher, Tony, and even a collecting Furio get a cut just isn't cutting it. Meanwhile, the heavy hitters are dealing with bigger matters. Tony sends Paulie and Silvio to let Richie know he needs to build a finally returning home and crippled for life Beansie a wheelchair ramp...after all, Richie is the one who crippled him. Richie bristles, but he want to bury the ax with Tony and finally move on from all their beefing. Richie eventually agrees and even gives Tony a leather jacket he once took off an important mobster in one of his life's most victorious moments. While this article of clothing is obviously one of Richie's most prized possessions, Tony seems unimpressed...but takes the jacket anyway. He's more amiable with Richie at family get togethers and seems to want to bury that hatchet as well, even if he attributes it to keeping his enemies close. Speaking of reconciliation, Cristopher gets to Adriana, after borderline assaulting her mother in her own home and busting through the door. His ex-girlfriend goes from "never wanting to see him again" to immediately accepting his marriage proposal minutes later when he presents her with an enormously studded ring. Everyone is partaking in grand gestures, including Carmela, who brings her neighbor Jeannie Cusamano's sister a pie to get Meadow a letter of recommendation from Georgetown...and when that doesn't work on the esteemed Georgetown graduate, veiled threats of violence. Back in supporting playerville, Christopher's two goofballs get a brief visitation with Richie, and Richie mentions his dislike of Christopher, though these two idiots seem to annoy him even more--Richie does mention that they should come back if they can ever do anything for him. The idiots also have a chance encounter with Tony as well, chasing him into the Bada Bing restroom after seeing him at his strip club headquarters, but all they do is make the boss livid when they act crassly, then bring up something that would set off a wiretap. Finally, in a further offering of peace, Richie comes over to bring Carmela a thank you dish of homemade tripe and tomatoes as a thank you for her most recent family dinner, but is greatly dismayed to find that Tony has given the leather jacket to the maid's husband, a moment made even more humiliating and ridiculous by the fact that Carm is blasting Sting's "Fields of Gold" as she badly freehands a portrait of A.J. from a photograph...and highly thematic as Carm mentions the husband was a mechanical engineer in Poland, but is a cab driver in America. The fact of the matter is, The Sopranos don't care about Richie Aprille's jacket, or inconveniencing Jeannie Cusamano's sister, or Christopher's dingbat lackeys and their bottom line. As Christopher finishes another sweaty round of makeup sex with Adriana, telling her that everything in his life has been better since he rededicated his loyalty to her...and Uncle Tony, he finds there's a surprise waiting for him on the street. After staring at boobs they'll never touch at the Bing, Christopher's lackeys lament their status in life, even though they have stockbroker licenses, and one went to Pace College. They decide they'll have to do something drastic...and that drastic thing is shooting Christopher. In one of those moments where The Sopranos lampoons mob violence rather than revel in it, the hit goes horribly awry, leading to one of the goon's deaths, and Christopher shot multiple times and unconscious in the hospital. The surviving goon runs straight to Richie, who erupts, chases away and throws a bat at the moronic, would be murderer who comes to him for asylum, as Richie already had his hands full with Tony BEFORE Christopher was shot ("I'm with you now!" cries the idiotic lackey, as he runs away from Richie's bat). But right before this climactic moment, Tony has a session with Melfi that adds an extra layer of depth to "Full Leather Jacket." Tony brings up how maybe giving Meadow her friend's car several episodes back caused problems, yet also further disparages her friend's degenerate gambler father, who Melfi correctly pegs as "The Happy Wanderer." Melfi says that maybe Tony did this because deep down he wants to force Meadow to face life's ambiguities, to help her grow up because deep down, he knows she is leaving the nest. Melfi, feeling she is doing groundbreaking psychiatric work with her mob boss client, shows little concern for the Happy Wanderer's family, whose life Tony has likely ruined (though Tony's comparison of the degenerate gambler to someone eating themselves to death is apt, even if Tony is the chef). The ducks fly up from the lake of Season One, causing a furious Tony to grow silent. All of this makes the episode's final lines, Tony's despondent "How could this happen?" as the family gathers around a comatose Christopher's hospital bed, all the more darkly humorous (especially considering an aloof Furio is right behind Tony). The Sopranos are essentially a constant snake eye double roll for everyone who has the misfortune of encountering them. How couldn't it happen?

EPISODE 9 -- "From Where to Eternity"
Written by: Michael Imperioli; Directed by: Henry J. Bronchtein

Originally Aired: 3/12/2000

 
"From Where to Eternity" finds the Sopranos family in turmoil. Giving the cops the stiff upper lip, Tony's crew want to investigate and dispense their own justice on the comatose Christopher's shooter. While the men fret over Christopher, Carmela finds her own personal crisis when she hears that a mobsters' goomah has had that mobster's baby. She asks an indignant Tony to get a vasectomy so he doesn't do the same, then angrily leaves her husband to go sleep on the couch as Otis Redding's "My Lover's Prayer" picks up, as it does throughout the episode. Later at the hospital (as the song continues to play), Christopher's body seems to fail, Adriana is in hysterics, and Pussy and Paulie have to comfort her. Carmela leaves to pray, seemingly earnest as she admits her complicity in The Sopranos family mob life, asking God to spare Christopher and give him a vision. There's a darkly comic edge to many scenes in this episode, thanks to Christopher actor, Michael Imperioli, offering his writing talents to the show for the first time. Christopher wakes up, and it's not Adriana he wants, but Tony and Paulie. To Tony, Christopher offers apologies, but then Christopher desperately conveys that he did indeed have a vision, and in that vision he went to hell, where his father and all the other dead mobsters are tormented by Irishmen (I guess, as an Irish-Italian, I'd just keep tying in all the card games Christopher mentions the mobsters are losing?). As befits their characters, Tony is able to shake off the vision, but Paulie, though he tells Christopher the vision was more likely of purgatory, is haunted. He keeps waking his mistress and her children with nightmare-induced screams before visiting a psychic who seems to be in communication with everyone Paulie has ever killed (An angry Paulie, in front of the psychic and his crowd, then utters several highly memorable lines that are still frequently memed). The creeped out Paulie Walnuts then makes a suitably left-field Paulie decision, by visiting his church and telling them he won't be giving them anymore donations, because the church hasn't warded off his bad juju (he seethes at a church's statue of Jesus as he storms out). Outside of mob and family life, Tony insists to Melfi that Christopher and himself don't deserve hell--only the Hitlers and the Pol Pots do. "We're soldiers, and soldiers don't go to hell...everyone involved knows the stakes...it's business...we follow codes...orders." He then insists that Italians were brought to America to make the country richer and some, like The Sopranos, wanted a piece of the action. Tony then others everyone else on Earth like he did in his Happy Wanderer speech episodes earlier, while getting angry with Melfi for pushing the issue that Tony might not be living the most morally righteous life. Melfi then sobs to her own therapist, worried that she's been too insensitive to Tony, and admitting she's been drinking, worried she's living in a "moral never never land" where she's just taken a position and she's scared...but unbeknownst to her, Tony could care less. Meanwhile, Pussy has nothing for his FBI handler, and says he's suspicious that Tony is on to him. Pussy's handler insists that Pussy do whatever he can do ingratiate himself to Tony--"Make him love you." Tony isn't feeling the love from Carmela, who is on a religious kick and thinks Tony isn't showing his family love by refusing to get snipped, but then Tony takes things way to far when A.J. breaks a dish, and Tony says, in front of A.J. "I'm supposed to get a vasectomy when he's my male heir?!" Pussy gets a tip that Christopher's assassin is hanging out at the state park--it only costs him $20 to some punk kid who gives him the dirt while he's eating a sandwich. Speaking of food, Tony does perhaps his best parenting ever when he brings A.J. a pizza and apologizes, telling him that he has to control his emotions better around the people he loves, before drawing a parallel by saying, "I think you're the same way. Your feelings, you keep them inside, and you and me, we react without thinking. It's why I get mad at you. I see myself in you. I couldn't ask for a better son, A.J. And I mean that...you want a piece of pizza?" A.J. accepts, but a phone call from Pussy cuts this bonding moment short. Pussy's tip was correct, and he's found the assassin. Carmela overhears and knows where Tony is headed. Pussy does the thing he knows will please Tony the most. He takes an insistent Tony along instead of a suggested Furio, and then, along with Tony, fills the gibbering, begging, denying, face-smashed, mommy-begging, piss pants assassin full of lead. Tony and Pussy then get a nice steak dinner together, the kind of bonding they haven't done all season. Tony asks Pussy if he believes in God and Pussy answers in the affirmative, toasting and saying, "He's been very good to me." Tony then goes home to Carmela and offers to get the vasectomy she's asked for, only for her to tell him not to get it. She makes sexual advances at him before he even makes the offer, then states that all she wants is him and his monogamy...and maybe another kid one day...and the cycle begins anew as the two get busy in front of Carmela's porcelain angel collection and Otis Redding rips back into the chorus. 

EPISODE 10 -- "Bust Out"
Written by: Frank Renzulli, Robin Green, and Mitchell Burgess; Directed by: John Patterson

Originally Aired: 3/19/2000

Tony has been spotted! A witness pins the DiMeo boss at the scene of Christopher's shooter, who the cops let the witness believe is just some poor dead crackhead. Tony associates a child calling for his mommy at the mall carousel (where he eventually meets with a still belligerent, "I want what's mine" Richie) with Christopher's shooter's own cry of "mommy" before Tony and Pussy blew him away, but doesn't seem bothered. In Tony's mind, the kid had it coming, and his way of dealing isn't guilt, but a desire to spend more time with A.J. so that he doesn't end up becoming some loser who deserves to die. Or a loser like Davey Scatino, whose shop is now a meeting place for Tony and his crew, as they max out Davey's store credit as the titular "Bust Out." Again, in Tony's logic, Davey chose to play in the executive card game, falling into debt by his own accord, and now he has this coming. Of course, when justice comes for Tony, and the FBI tip him off that the cops have a witness who can pin him at the murder scene, Tony freaks out, but keeps the whole thing a secret from Carmela. Carmela, who just reaffirmed her relationship with Tony, has her own secret, as she heavily romantically pursues her home remodeler, who just happens to be Davey's widowed brother-in-law. Pussy is also secretive with his FBI handler, balking when the handler suggests he might have been at the murder scene with Tony. No one is taking things harder than Davey, though, who puts a gun to his head and cries when he's alone, and barks at his wife when he's with her--he even takes to sleeping at his store, when it's not full of mobsters. Meanwhile, for all her hippy posturing, Janice has her Lady Macbeth moment when she twists a weird, roleplaying sexual encounter with Richie (where there's a gun to her head!) to subtly suggest Richie should murder Tony. Tony's attempts to connect with A.J. at first flounder, as A.J. already has plans with friends, a topic Melfi digs into and unexpectedly strikes gold, when Tony admits he might be going away to prison, saying he doesn't care what happens to him, as long as he finishes raising his children and they're out of the house. The "good guy" act façade drops, though, when Tony shows a surprising amount of self-awareness in a late-night conversation with once childhood friend, Davey, after Davey asks why Tony let Davey join the card game in "The Happy Wanderer," knowing Davey would ruin his own life, and Tony would benefit. "Well, I knew you had this business here, Davey," Tony answers. "It's my nature. Frog and the scorpion, you know." His nature is also missing A.J.'s big swim meet, the last of the season, despite all his recent bluster. He's with the lawyer, dropping off money for Carmela (so she's taken care of) just in case he has to go on the lam. His absence leads to a blowout, violent argument with Carmela (who believably thinks Tony is cheating again), and while a cursory view of the scene paints Tony as sympathetic, the reason he may have to go on the lam is that he killed someone. Tony then has a big scene with the child Carmela has told him he should be focusing on, since she is soon to leave for college. Tony has stayed up late, getting drunk in the darkened kitchen, and a late arriving Meadow is at first dismissive of her inebriated father. However, the two end up having a bit of a moment, albeit a haunting one, as Meadow (who gets acceptance letters this episode from Berkley and NYU) tells her insistent father that she knows he loves her, shirking off his claims that she is just like him (he just said the same about A.J. in the previous episode), though she does smile and tell him "sometimes, we're all hypocrites" before telling him goodnight. Carmela and the brother-in-law remodeler kiss in the Soprano bathroom to Journey's "Wheel in the Sky" blasting on the work crew boombox (she later yet again listens to "Con te partirò" by Andrea Bocelli, this season's musical theme for Carmela's unrealized and melodramatic dreams). Just as discrete, Richie suggests whacking Tony to Uncle Junior, who wisely advises Richie that Janice is trouble. The murder witness' wife, after noticing the victim's connection to the Sopranos, wisely advises that her husband immediately call the cops to say that he's mistaken and didn't see anything. Just as Tony's fate improves, Carmela's sinks again, as a drunken Davey admits to his brother-in-law that he's broke, and lost the store, and it's all because of the terrifying and evil Sopranos, which ensures the BIL wants nothing more to do with Carmela. He also insists he'll pay for Davey's son's education, but also that Davey will get away from his sister, the last thing Davey has. Naturally, Tony is watching a special on General Patton, about how Patton wanted to vindicate his reputation through battle, when he receives the news from Paulie that the witness has changed his mind. Ironically, Tony then goes to absorb the news in the same room where Carmela had her handyman kiss, laughing to himself. He then blows off an offer to introspect and self-improve from Melfi to bring the cripled Beansie some money and have a day out on the boat with A.J. Carmela, who's dressed up and listening to Shania Twain's "Still the One"  (The Sopranos again proves to be the master of dark humor in its use of pop songs), gets the bad news that her prince charming handyman won't be returning. Out on the water, Tony insists that A.J. take the wheel and gun the engines. At this point, the show has earned a heavy-handed metaphor. Tony is such a likeable sociopath, it its quite easy for the audience to pull for him no matter what he does. Thus, as Davey's empty storefront goes up for sale, Tony's boat blasts forward, creating a huge wake that flips over a nearby kayak, tossing its two innocent passengers in the drink as Journey's "Wheel in the Sky" cranks back up, and a content Tony sails on.

EPISODE 11 -- "House Arrest"
Written by: Terence Winter; Directed by: Tim Van Patten

Originally Aired: 3/26/2000

Tony gleefully returns to his lawyer with a box of fine champagne and reclaims his go bag. The lawyer is a little spooked at the recent close call and tells Tony he needs to spend time at one of his business fronts, so he looks legitimate, while avoiding his usual hangouts and his crew. At the garbage company office, though, Tony looks like a shark who can't swim, and thus, can't breathe. Meanwhile, Uncle Junior finds himself even more limited by medical issues, but meets the widow of an old cop acquaintance, and the two hit it off. However, Junior is both ashamed and feels limited by his house arrest. Looks like, for the time being, he and his nephew are stuck where they don't want to be. Meanwhile, Melfi feels trapped as well, chugging Vodka between sessions as she deals with the stress and moral weight of seeing Tony. However, when Tony gives her an out, depressedly decrying the pointlessness of therapy and...everything (after he rather philosophically mentions he recently turned off the movie Se7en because, in regard to the killer's identity, "...what difference is that information going to make in my life?"), she inexplicably doesn't take it, living in a prison of her own design, remaining Tony's therapist. Melfi even admits to her therapist that she's seeing Tony partially out of self-interest, as his sessions give the same thrill as "watching a train wreck."  That train wreck's current office prison is guarded by a dog that constantly barks like some hound from hell, though Tony does take an interest in having sex with the office manager when he finds she is a born-again Christian (taking a sociopath's joy in corruption). Tony takes far less interest in a couple's fundraiser he attends, where he has to confront Richie yet again, after discovering his future brother-in-law is selling cocaine out of the garbage route. David Proval is incredible yet again, as Richie challenges Tony yet again. mentioning that the cocaine was Junior's idea, and that he needs the money for his upcoming domestic life with Tony's sister. Tony, spooked by his recent brush with the law, is even tougher on Richie than usual, and after a tense moment where Proval gives such an intense stare, Tony calls his eyes "Manson lamps," Richie rather terrifyingly walks off, and the highly agitated Tony has another sweaty panic attack, this time tumbling over unconscious in front of a crowd. Carmela nags Tony at the hospital about Melfi's uselessness, while Tony scratches at a new stress rash on his arm, hearing from the doctors yet again that there is nothing physically wrong with him (other than them mentioning that "losing some weight wouldn't hurt.") Junior's prison grows even tighter, when his hand gets stuck in the sink with no one around, and he can't move for hours. While he's stuck at the sink, Melfi gets totally wasted at a restaurant, while her son talks about the useless classes he is taking, and she loses it on a nearby smoking patron, and is asked to leave, and ditched by her son. A pathetically weeping, frustrated Junior is finally rescued late that night by Richie and Janice, though he receives the frustrating news about the cocaine from Richie. Trapped Tony draws fish in a bowl and itches his rash with a ruler, while Melfi's therapist insists she go to AA and start taking medication. She balks at the medication, until he mentions her finally cutting Tony loose, to which she instead chooses to take the medication. Tony's doctor suggests that he talk to his therapist about stress management, and there's a hard cut to him having sex with the office manager, as the phone rings and the dog keeps barking. It's Junior who ends up doing the most constructive activity, finally tracking down the old widow by phone and calling her over to partake in normal conversation, like a normal, aging person. An itchy Tony goes with Carmela to a new house in the suburbs to meet up with Richie and Janice. Richie and Janice dote on each other, and Richie continues to get under Tony's skin, till Tony nearly has another panic attack. As Tony stares out at the surrounding neighborhood, which looks strangely like a cell block, he turns back at a concerned Richie tapping on the window, and mutters "You poor bastard," to himself, which seems empathetic to the life Richie has ahead of him, but may be actually directed at Tony himself. Tony returns to the office and works on an office pool for fun--when the garbage company boss mentions to him that Richie's drivers are still selling cocaine, and that Richie didn't listen to him, rather than go into another panic attack, Tony ignores him and keeps working. Tony's mother calls up Junior with faux concern, but is of course calling to spread her sociopathic misery, telling Junior an insulting old story about his current lady friend. Junior ignores her and hangs up, meeting his new friend in the other room, where they talk about how much they pity the miserable Livia (Junior mentions, considering how things always seem to go Livia's way, he doesn't pity her too much).  Junior admits that he's under house arrest, but the widow isn't bothered--she still wants to spend time with him. Tony unleashes a downpour of depressive rage at Melfi, then notices she seems medicated when she doesn't have much of a reaction. Melfi suggests Tony suffers from Alexithymia, using the same shark metaphor I mentioned above--that certain personalities, particularly anti-social ones, need to keep moving so they don't have to dwell on the horrible things they've done. Tony deflects at first onto Richie, then looks off, and it's unclear if he registers that Melfi is talking about him. Tony's episode-ending solution is to blow off the lawyer's advice and head back to his Satriale's Meat Market headquarters to meet up with his crew, who has been calling him throughout "House Arrest" to let him know about all the cool things they've been getting into. Christopher has returned from the hospital, Tony uses a shoe-shining device to scratch his rash, the crew all sit back out in front of Satriale's together, "You Can't Put Your Arms Around a Memory" by Johnny Thunders rumbles over the soundtrack, and it's back to business as usual.

EPISODE 12 -- "The Knight in White Satin Armor"
Written by: Robin Green & Mitchell Burgess; Directed by: Allen Coulter

Originally Aired: 4/02/2000

The floors and walls in Janice and Richie's new house are spotless, as the house awaits their arrival after their upcoming nuptials. For now, Richie's ballroom dancer son is in town spinning around the shiny floor, while Richie's nephew, Jackie Aprile, Jr., who has freshly dropped out of medical school against his deceased father's wishes, tests out the new TV. As Tony and Janice bring in furniture, Tony admits he doesn't want Richie around his children, and the two engage in an explosive argument. Tony storms out...to his mistress, Irina. Tony, who's been seeing Irina the duration of the show, finally breaks things off with her...after he sleeps with her. Irina does not take the news well, and says she'll die without Tony, threatening suicide. Tony meets with Richie, who is facing massive costs with the wedding and new house. Richie (with a mouthy Jackie Jr. at his side) again angrily expresses his desire to sell cocaine on his garbage routes, and Tony is driven to utter the Soprano family motto, "Those who want respect, give respect." Richie has had it and goes to Junior, who is also desperate for money, in his case to get out of his legal issues. The topic of whacking Tony arises, and Junior suggests Richie test the waters for support. Richie and Junior aren't the only ones who've had it with Tony. Pussy is ready to turn on him for the sporting goods store bustout, as he himself has felt disrespected when he was passed over for promotion, and he is thinking about his future. Carmela adds her name to the "angry with Tony" list when she smells Irina on Tony's clothing, though he later insists to Carmela that he's long broken up with her. Thus things are quite awkward when the Sopranos host the wedding party for Janice and Richie at their home and everyone has to play nice, though Tony can't hide his disbelief when he finds from Janice that his mother has started taking Prozac, and Carmela, witnessing what she thinks is true love between Janice and Richie, leaves the room to cry about her own situation. That night, Carmela sadly watches movies on the couch, while Tony, in bed, gets a hospital call that Irina has tried to kill herself. The ex-mistress doesn't want to go back to Eastern Europe and lose her goomah lifestyle with Tony, conflating an American expression with a goofy Moody Blues song when she exclaims, "Where is my knight in white satin armor?" Richie fails to drum up outside support to whack Tony, and Junior decides it's safer to stick with his more respected nephew, letting Tony know that Richie is making moves against him (Bobby's mind is blown by Junior's decision-making skills). Tony is angry with Junior at first, but suddenly becomes grateful, giving a concession to his uncle before the pair hug. In other surprising meetings, Carmela "accidentally" meets up with her potential home repair love interest at a home improvement store, thanking him for doing the right thing and blowing her off, but also hinting that she might be free one day. Tony admits to Melfi that he cares about Irina more than his other former mistresses, likely because she shares his depression, but also because he seems to enjoy the rise he's getting from Melfi. Pussy hears about a heist from Christopher (they're going to steal Pokémon cards) and notifies his handler. Pussy tries to spy on the heist himself, but mucks the whole thing up, when he gets into a car accident while tailing Christopher and hits a pedestrian. Tony informs Silvio of Richie's plans, and Silvio gladly takes it upon himself to take care of Tony's would-be future brother-in-law. "Knight In White Satin Armor" then takes a brilliant Sopranos left turn. Janice has been goading Richie, constantly reminding him about how much money they need, and even telling him earlier about how Tony doesn't want Richie around his kids. With nothing going his way, Richie comes home angry, and Janice badly miscalculates how short his fuse is. She belittles Richie during an argument and after the subject of his son's possible sexual preference comes to the fore, Richie punches her in the face, then sits at the table to eat the meal Janice has just prepared like nothing happened. Janice leaves the room, grabs the gun from the two's sex ritual, and blows Richie away. Janice frantically calls Tony, and despite the acrimony between the two of them all season, Tony cleans up her mess--perhaps because Janice has unknowingly taken care of his number one problem. Janice, meanwhile, says she didn't mean it, and it was an accident, and that she loved Richie so much. As Tony comes back to the house in the morning after disposing of Richie, Janice has a come to Jesus moment, when the mother that she's told Tony is a completely different, much better person on Prozac, hears that Richie has "left her" and takes a sociopath's obvious revel and delight in Janice's misery. This gives Tony a chance to blame Livia for all of her children's issues, which only gives a demonic Livia more power over Tony. As the mother-from-hell pushes just the right buttons, Tony gives up and tries to storm out, tripping down the stairs and dropping his gun--an obvious metaphor for the way Livia is the one person who is easily able to strip away Tony's power--and Livia, somehow this show's greatest monster, laughs with glee (but not for long...even her joy in other's misery can't last). Meanwhile, Pussy, in the hospital, meets with his handler, and reveals he had aspirations of joining the FBI after he did his two years in prison. The handler laughs this off and tells Pussy there's no chance of that, and that he should just be thankful he'll only go to prison for two years and get witness protection--it turns out, despite his best wishes, Pussy is no..."Knight in White Satin Armor." Neither is Tony, despite Janice tearfully thanking him for everything at the bus station as she leaves town. Janice doesn't realize that Tony was going to kill and dispose of Richie's body before she ever even shot him. The two discuss how messed up their family is, and Tony, a monster himself, passes the buck to their mom, and Janice, to Tony's relief, is out of Jersey. Irina is also out of Tony's life, after he wisely sends Silvio, who no longer has to take care of Tony's other problem, to talk some sense into her. Silvio, who manages the exotic dancers at the Bing, gives Irina an envelope of cash, and some greeting card wisdom, succeeding where Tony failed. As an unshaven, exhausted Tony finally arrives home, he sees Carmela in the sitting room, looking over travel brochures. She's been on an emotional rollercoaster all episode, thinking Tony is cheating again (truthfully, at the start of the episode, he was), then finding out that Tony's ex-mistress tried to kill herself, then realizing that her would be knight in shining armor repairman wasn't quite what she thought, and that he only didn't date her because he was scared of Tony. Carmela did seem to come to some peace the night before when she called Janice's house, after Tony said he had to go there to help her, only to have Tony answer the phone, proving (in this case at least) that Tony was telling the truth. Carmela quizzes Tony on the night, then is shocked when he hints at what happened, though tellingly, a not disgusted Carmela responds, "That was not a marriage made in heaven," as there is about four feet of space between herself and Tony on the couch. Carmela informs Tony that she and Rosalie Aprile are going on their own trip to Italy after Meadow's graduation, subtly justifying it as her reward for everything Tony has put her through. Then, rather hilariously, the credits role upon a reprise of the song "I Saved the World Today" by Eurythmics (it previously played during Janice and Richie's party), which features the very episode-apt lyrics, "Hey, hey, I saved the world today/Everybody's happy now/The bad thing's gone away/And everybody's happy now/The good thing's here to stay/Please let it stay." Of course, this is The Sopranos. It won't.

EPISODE 13 -- "Funhouse"
Written by: David Chase and Todd A. Kessler; Directed by:  John Patterson

Originally Aired: 4/09/2000

Tony's sister, Barbara, the only Soprano to have broken free, has returned to town. It's a brief visit, as she healthily halts any ideas of Livia moving to upstate New York, to live with her and her family, after Janice's departure. Tony supports Barbara's decision, despite Livia's many lies, including that she had no part in the Season One attempt on Tony's life. In the end, Tony just tosses Livia two of the airline tickets bought in the Scatino sporting goods store bustout, so Livia and one of her sisters can stay with another sister in Arizona. Tony then leaves on the biggest high he's ridden since the show began. as Richie, the thorn in his side, is dead, Janice, the annoying mosquito buzzing around his head, has left town, and Livia, the anchor around his neck, is soon to follow. Tony's daughter is even graduating and about to head off to Columbia. Tony takes Pussy to meet at an Indian restaurant for business, then the two happily bounce over to Artie's to talk about how great life is and eat mussels. Tony, walking on air, returns home to surprise Carmela with an expensive fur coat, and she more than reciprocates the gesture. After a night of passionate lovemaking, Tony passes out. Then the dreams start. Tony's dreams are fever-inspired, feature June snow, most of his crew, self-immolation, a talking fish, and sex with Melfi. There's plenty of subtext to explore, but Tony's food-poisoned subconscious makes obvious to him what he's known for some time: Pussy is a rat. However, before Tony makes that conclusion, thanks to a fish with Pussy's voice making it explicit, he awakes in a sweat numerous times, telling Carmela he's never been so depressed, sobbing as he says, "It's all a big nothing. Life. Everything's black." Gandolfini makes this moment feel incredibly real, as if this is the only time Tony has ever been 100% honest about what is actually in his head, a bleak, looming, ever-present void, and then Tony runs to the bathroom, loudly vomits, and then even more loudly expunges diarrhea. While Tony is having his fever-dream epiphany...and explosive bodily excretions, his mother is still somehow ruining his life, getting busted at the airport with the stolen airplane tickets (technically, Tony illegally obtained and gave her the tickets, so he's ruining his own life). Finally mostly awake, a recovering, yet still ailing Tony takes Silvio to Pussy's house and uses the food-poisoning to his advantage. Tony claims he's got to go to the bathroom again, and while Silvio is downstairs having coffee with Pussy and his wife, Tony digs around and finds Pussy's wire and tapes hidden in the false bottom of a cigar box. Tony then insists that Pussy and Silvio accompany him to test out a boat at the marina, where Paulie is waiting. Pussy seems suspicious, as Silvio is drinking heavily, and Tony is eager to test the boat despite being on the tail-end of food poisoning, as well as the sea and sky not exactly being welcoming. After taking the boat far from shore, Tony insists the four men go below decks, and things quickly turn serious, as Tony, Paulie, and Silvio are in no mood for enjoying the water. Tony accuses Pussy, and the latter cracks almost immediately, though at first tries to down talk just how much info he has ratted, tries to say he misdirects the cops. and that being a rat is an asset, that he had no choice because he was busted for heroin. Finally, after Silvio leaves for a minute from uneasiness, tequila is poured and Pussy jovially talks about his mistress from his disappearance time back in Puerto Rico but as Silvio returns, a white-faced, obviously still-ill Tony asks if even the mistress and trip to Puerto Rico were lies. Pussy walks away, asks not to be shot in the face, Paulie tells him he was like a brother, Pussy starts to babble about his balance, and then the three men angrily shoot Pussy dead as he asks for permission to sit. It is horrible. The camera cuts to a long shot of the anchored boat as more shots are heard, then a stone-faced Paulie removes Pussy's identifying jewelry, and Tony says "get the weights." The now trio put Pussy in a weighted sack and toss him in the ocean, their dead friend sinks to the bottom, and they leave as Tony stares off at their wake, genuinely disturbed. He then sits uneasily on the couch, as Carmela makes last preparations for Meadow's next day graduation, when Livia calls from the airport to complain that she's been obtained, and then the Feds knock at the door. Tony is arrested and taken away in cuffs, just as Meadow and her friends walk in. As Tony is locked up, a teary, sulking Meadow gets a lecture from Carmela, who talks up Tony (she's really a Tony nurturer and protector this episode, now that he's dumped his mistress and bought her a fur coat...and things didn't work out with her home improvement guy), though Meadow insists she's long ago come to terms with who her father is, and that she'd cut off her friends if they judged her because of him. Tony isn't so high on himself, though, frustrated that he's made such a stupid mistake after recently getting out of a homicide charge, but his lawyer insists there's nothing to the case, and that Tony should get on with his life. Tony finally has a non-dream session with Melfi, complaining about his mother's stupidity. When Melfi presses Tony on the fact that she's been trying to get him to talk about the negative emotional impacts of his mother's actions on him for a year, Tony goes almost bleaker than he did in his nihilistic break with Carmela, becoming temporarily possessed by Livia, as he unknowingly utters a take on his mother's emotionally abusive catchphrase through a mock sob, "poor me." Show creator/showrunner, David Chase, borrowed Livia's "poor you" phrase from his own abusive, toxically manipulative mother, and it feels horrifically real coming from Tony's mouth in this scene, especially considering that only a day before, Tony murdered his best friend. Melfi points out that Tony's tough guy father did nothing to shield him from the horror of his mother. Tony balks and continues to mock his therapist, but Melfi says she should have pushed Tony on these issues long before, but didn't because at some point she became frightened of Tony. She then crushes the mobster with an incredibly apt diagnosis, that all his rage and anger are just a self-distraction from his sadness, then brilliantly intuits that something else darker must have recently happened, but Tony, always deflecting when the arrow hits too close to home, smilingly informs Melfi of his sex dream about her. Melfi is undeterred, but Tony leaves, making fun of Melfi, but obviously running away from the discussion. In a small victory, Melfi no longer has to take a giant pull of vodka...though she does take off her glasses in disgust. Meadow graduates and blows her parents a kiss from the stage, and afterward, Tony tells Christopher that in the spirit of graduation, it's time to make Christopher a made man. Junior shows up to hand Meadow a gift, and Tony promptly throws him out. To give the major storylines of Season Two closure, Tony then sees Davey Scatino attempting to get coffee out of an empty machine. Tony tries to give his condolences to Davey for the latter's divorce, but gets the wife's name wrong, then giggles when Davey tells him that he's moving to work at a ranch out West. Davey reminds Tony that he's from the West, but also that Las Vegas is near to the ranch...proving that the compulsive gambler who lost it all has learned nothing. Friends and family and "family" gather for a graduation party at the Soprano house, there's a montage where there are shots of the garbage trucks doing their routes without the bother of Richie and his cocaine, but mostly of spots around town that The Sopranos have more negatively effected, like the now empty and shutdown brokerage office where Christopher worked, a drugged up man at the poker game motel (the Hasidic motel from Season One!), and Davey hitting the road, as Tony lights up a big cigar to the sound of a weary Keith Richards singing "Thru and Thru," with final shots of the sun setting over the ocean where Pussy now lies (the same ocean from Tony's dreams), as the credits then roll on another wildly successful season of one of the greatest shows to ever air on television.

Thank you for making this Season Two recap just as successful as the first. I almost died a couple times this year, but the show went on. If it keeps going on next year, I'll be back, starting on 2/14/26, for a similar ongoing piece for Season Three's 25th anniversary. 

Those who want respect, give respect. Thank you for reading.