Aquaman (Film Review)
2018 Warner Bros. Pictures
Directed by: James Wan; Written by:David Leslie Johnson-McGoldrick and Will Beall
Starring: Jason Momoa, Amber Heard, Willem Dafoe, Patrick Wilson, Dolph Lundgren, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, and Nicole Kidman
MPAA Rating: PG-13; Running Time: 143 Minutes
The Nicsperiment Score: 6.5/10.0
In today's biggest, dumbest cinematic genre, Aquaman is the biggest and dumbest film of all. Witness men riding sharks and sea horses, blasting lasers at each other, a giant kraken wrecking everything, bullets bouncing off the titular hero's chest as he fires off one-liners like (eyebrow raised) "Permission to come aboard?" and "Ask the sea for mercy!"
Hulking titular star, Jason Momoa, who proved he could lead a film when he popped up on Stargate Atlantis way back in 2005, could carry this movie on his shoulders, even in the middle of a shrug. Ironically, he's hanging out in Atlantis again, though this time it's the ancient drowned mythological one. Turns out he's supposed to be the undersea-dwelling Atlanteans' king, but he's too busy bro'ing out back on land with his lighthouse keeper human father--yes, of course, Aquaman is only half-Atlantean, so there's even more drama to be had!
No worries, though--before you can say "tidal wave," the cleavage-baring Atlantean, Mera (Amber Heard), has ventured up from the ocean to convince Aquaman to take his rightful place on the throne. If he doesn't, his war-mongering brother (a serious as a heart-attack, and for some reason it works, Patrick Wilson) is going to unite the numerous Atlantean tribes to wipe out all of landlubbering mankind. It seems that, just like their non-cinematic equivalent, humanity just can't stop throwing all their trash into the ocean, and now they're gonna pay...unless Aquaman can save them. Talk about mixed-messaging.
Speaking of, the tonal inconsistency of this film is both maddening and marvelous. Every quiet, would-be dramatic moment, of which there are many, seems to be interrupted by a loud, crashing noise. The forced romance between Aquaman and Mera reaches a chemistry-nadir, when the two are staring at the ocean through a shared glass bottle, but before you can say "awkward," stuff is exploding in one of the best action scenes of 2018. Of course, the action scene instigator is a side-villain whose presence in the film only seems to serve as a diving board to a sequel.
Awesome!
Stupid!
Those two words don't have to be mutually exclusive, especially not in this film. Director, James Wan, previously brought "big and dumb" to the Fast and Furious franchise, just as it seemed to be reaching a place of grounded insanity. The Fast film two movies before Wan's entry featured a scene where two real cars drug a real building-size safe through the streets of Brazil in a practical effects ballet of delightful destruction. The one immediately before his features a scene where a real tank smashes through hundreds of real cars on a real freeway. For his entry, instead of staging more nutty practical stunts, Wan added copious amounts of butts, and a CGI-drenched scene where a car jumps from one skyscraper to another, 1,000 feet off the ground. Wan brings a similar sensibility here, with noisy sound effects and even louder CGI filling every frame of the film. For a lot of its runtime, Aquaman is pretty fun, even as it swims around in a sea of stupidity, and I had to slap my forehead many times during scenes I actually overall enjoyed. However, I started to nod off in the final seemingly endless battle, where seemingly endless CGI underwater hordes loudly crash against more seemingly endless CGI underwater hordes, nearly putting me into a white noise-induced nap. Apparently, you can't tell a story about a fish-man unless it's 143-minutes long.
Aquaman is going to make a billion dollars, and the crazy thing is, an expression like that isn't hyperbole anymore, but a fact as cold as the deep sea. As of this writing, Aquaman is only about a week away from that tally. This is what the masses want.
A few days before my Aquaman viewing, I took my family to a much more sparsely attended theater to see the awesome and not-at-all dumb, comparatively quiet, Bumblebee. Bumblebee is smart, grounded, yet still fun and funny, a Transformers film finally freed from the quick-cut nightmare lens of the series' previous long-time director. Bumblebee won't make half as much as that director's lowest grossing Transformers film. Glancing at the comparative box-office for Aquaman, one thing is crystal clear: Michael Bay has won.
Comments
Pretty much every Transformers trailer has hurt my brain to watch, so I didn't even try to subject myself to them after making myself give the first a try. I was willing to turn my brain off for Aquaman, as Jason Momoa looked like he has way too much fun with this character (and he was always awesome on Stargate), but it did help that I had really low expectations going in.
Jason Momoa really deserved a better script than this. And you know it's pretty "meh" when Willem Defoe is just kind of there in his role. It also might be me, but I really don't get the casting of Nicole Kidman or Amber Heard. Jessica pretty much figured they wanted Scarlett Johanson but couldn't get her since she's in the Marvel movies, and Heard doesn't seem to have her presence.
But yeah, both were pretty bland and didn't have much in the way of chemistry with the person they were supposed to strike sparks with. Partially the script, too, but I dunno... Kidman was pretty wooden. Temeura Morrison still had a good bit of warmth and character come through, despite the script. Actually made me wish he was in more things (and that Lucas had given him better screen time in Attack of the Clones).
That action scene you mentioned in Italy had a fun bit of anticipation for me.
*Aquaman falls near one of those block and chain barrier things... will he pick it up and throw it at Manta? Come on, that'd be awesome*
*waits impatiently while the movie cuts away to some other stuff*
*it finally cuts back and Aquaman tears up the blocks and chain and hurls it at Manta*
Yes!
Momoa was excellent, but I agree, the female casting was off. I also enjoyed Temeura Morrison. He's one of the best things about the movie, though it's strange he isn't even first-billed. He was also one of the best things in Attack of the Clones, too. Really, the side movie with Jango and Obi Wan facing off was leagues better than the main movie with Anakin and Padme. I was very frustrated that Obi Wan and he got all that time playing cat and mouse on the water planet, then had that absolutely epic old-Western-style showdown in the rain, then that fun chase scene in the asteroid field, then they never interact again, and Mace Windu chops Jango's head off. Ugh. There's a better movie buried in all three prequels, usually involving Obi Wan.
Yeah, that fight on the Mediterranean coast was so fun! I wish the rest of the movie followed it's lead, as its far more visceral than the floaty CGI of the other action scenes, though admittedly those mostly take place underwater. Kind of reminds me of the dry and monotonous semi-sequel to the French Connection The Seven-Ups. The whole thing is a bit lackluster, then halfway through, there's this car chase that is absolutely jaw-dropping, probably one of the best ever filmed (The lead, Roy Scheider of Jaws fame, is great in that film, as well). The movie doesn't have anything else in common with Aquaman, just reminded me of another one I was starting to fall asleep during (was watching on Encore at like 3 am in high school), only to be jarringly waked...woken...awoken...awakened(?)by an awesome scene.
Maybe all that to say, I think there's a better Aquaman movie buried in this one, where he just faces off against Manta. Or cut Manta entirely, as two unrelated films have been crammed into one.
Love Roy Scheider's facial expressions throughout. He's going to need a bigger hood ornament!
Speaking of Star Wars, have you seen any of The Clone Wars animated series? It's pretty good, though it's frustrating as well (being slightly more kid-oriented means the politics and plot twists are too simple, while some things like Jar-Jar improve. He's like some accidental master of chaos, and he's actually genuinely amusing in some episodes). Anyway, it fits in well with your comment, though, as most of the stories following Obi-Wan or Anakin's padawan, Ahsoka, are the best thing about the show (Obi-Wan has a past love interest!). At least what I've seen of it, anyway. Netflix still has it, presumably until Disney launches its streaming service (thanks, but no thanks! too many services out there).
And your line of thinking about Episode II is intriguing... I actually hate that movies feel like they have to have some huge battle with millions of people now. When you have a tight, laser focus on just a few characters, there is intensity. I actually really enjoy the solo fights in Captain America a lot, as you have a lot invested. The first, when he's chasing that spy and figuring out his powers, and the duke out with Red Skull feels so visceral because of it.
I think that's part of the notable thing with Thor: Ragnarok, is that it manages to keep that visceral feeling even in the bigger fights.
Last, I love how Jason Momoa actually says "ow!" a few times in the movie. Yes, he's tall, muscular, tattoed, and studly, but he will say "ow" when he really gets hit hard. What a likeable, loveable man. Heh.
Haha! That parked 18-wheeler WAS like Jaws!
I watched a couple Clone Wars animated series episodes when it was running. The more kid-oriented elements did turn me off at points, though some elements intrigued me, like an episode I wish I could remember better where the origins of the force are explored on an ancient planet. Your recommendation makes me want to check out more of it. I've also heard some good things about Rebels.
I agree 100% on preferring the movie to be personal, vs having to have the giant battle at the end. To further your example, the fights in Captain America 2 are visceral and excellent, and really sucked me in, but...though I love the movie as a whole, that big closing battle with all the CGI warships left me a little cold.
I agree with Ragnarok's working, too. I think all three of us gasped when Thor's eye was ripped out. It was so humbling for the character and felt so raw (even if he ends up eventually getting a new one), plus, when the sequence gets ultra CGI, there's still so much personality in the visuals and music. The ending battle of Cap 2 is just so...grey-toned, and anonymously scored.
Yeah, I'll be bummed if it ever turns out Momoa is secretly a sleazeball. Dude seems like a legit human.