Godzilla (1998 Film Review)

1998 TriStar Pictures
Directed by: Roland Emmerich; Written by: Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich
Starring: Matthew Broderick, Jean Reno, Maria Pitillo, Hank Azaria, Kevin Dunn, Michael Lerner, and Harry Shearer
MPAA Rating: PG-13; Running Time: 139 Minutes
The Nicsperiment Score: 3/10

As the French test nuclear weapons in the South Pacific in the 60's, iguanas look on ominously. Flash forward to the late '90's, and a Japanese fishing trawler is suddenly attacked by some type of enormous, amphibious creature. The U.S. government investigates and decides that the best man to look into the matter is Dr. Nick Tatopoulos, an NRC scientist studying radioactive worms in Chernobyl. Nick doesn't like what he sees in the trawler wreckage, but before you can say "giant lizard," the 300-foot tall creature swims right up into New York City and wreaks havoc...before immediately burrowing underground. The government sends Nick to New York City, which is perfect, as that's just where his old flame, aspiring reporter, Audrey Timmonds, lives. Also, it looks like this giant creature isn't just as big as a skyscraper...it's a hermaphrodite...and it's laying eggs.
A movie about a giant, fire-breathing monster who smashes into New York City should be absolutely thrilling. You'd think the writer/director team who made the metropolis-disintegrating Independence Day just two years before would be just the duo to bring a 1998 American version of Godzilla to life. Instead, a seemingly slam dunk proposal turns into a prime, 140-minute nap opportunity.
1998's Godzilla is one of the most boring, laziest, stagnant blockbusters of all time, featuring bland, boring, empty characters, and a central monster who spends the vast majority of the film out-of-sight. When he does make an appearance, the action is generic and rote, with few unique or clever touches. At the end of the day, the entire film is a wash, as no one involved seems either enthusiastic or even knowledgable about what they're trying to accomplish here. This indolent flick doesn't even attempt to explain why Godzilla swims all the way across the Pacific, avoiding the North American West Coast and South America, to swim through the Panama Canal, through the Gulf of Mexico, and up the Eastern Seaboard to New York. I spent more time typing out the previous sentence than Godzilla's filmmakers spent exercising any form of logic or thought.
Unfortunately, the only larger-than-life element Godzilla has to offer is its bloated, over-inflated running time. Go figure that America can't seem to craft a decent film around a monster Japan created as a metaphor for the nuclear weapons with which America itself attacked Japan. I think we should stick to King Kong.