Weezer -- Hurley

7/10

Weezer's Hurley was released on September 10, 2010. I'll say with some confidence that the period between say, September 8, 2010 to October 8, 2010, was the worst 30-day period of my life. I don't want to get into why here, but my mental state was heightened, and my general emotion was "terror." I bought Hurley the day it was released, listened to it a whole bunch during that particular period, and never listened to it again because of the association. However, by this point in 2021, those 30 days no longer have any power over me. Now I can simply go through Hurley, track-by-track, objectively, or as objectively as any Weezer fan can go through any Weezer album.

1. "Memories": After 2009's Raditude essentially enraged fans with its current taste-pandering, Weezer kick Hurley off with the kind of song that will rein those same fans back in. "Memories" is a high-energy, guitar/synthesizer heavy track, focusing on nostalgia. Any song that includes the line "Playing hackey sack back when Audioslave was still Rage" is going to win over even the most fringe Weezer fan. I wish the song had a guitar solo, but at least the bridge hits hard. Also, the chimes after the bridge are surprisingly ornate.

2. "Ruling Me": The band keep up the high-energy guitar and synth reliance, with another driving power-pop-rock song in the vein of their earlier music...though again, there's no guitar solo. The chorus is huge, though.

3. "Trainwrecks": At this point, I've given up on hearing a guitar solo, but wow, this song is great! "Trainwrecks" doesn't sound like traditional Weezer at all. The song starts with a swirling orchestration (my September of 2010 mental state?), before heading into a 4/4 verse, featuring defiant lyrics from the perspective of a guy in a dysfunctional, yet strangely functional relationship. I love the train brake sound effects subtly worked into the pre-chorus. This is a special, very relatable song, up until the bridge lyric "One day we'll cut our critics down to size/and crash a Diddy party in disguise"...which isn't the aspiration of most people, and takes away a bit of the song's universal appeal. Still, this is a pretty great, unique track.

4. "Unspoken": Starts as an acoustic rock ballad, but with some cool classic rock orchestration, like a throwback sounding flute. More strings come in, as the song builds up to a rousing, distorted guitar-utilizing climax, as lyrically, it appears a lot of this album will focus on the dysfunctional relationships frontman, Rivers Cuomo, has with the women in his life. They appear to be as messy as the previous sentence.

5. "Where's My Sex":  As much as early Weezer is my favorite Weezer, I'm not one of those fans who thinks that any Weezer that doesn't sound like old Weezer sucks. There are five tracks on Hurley I love that don't sound anything like old Weezer. "Where's My Sex" sounds like old Weezer, and it sucks. Musically, the big crunchy rock sound is very fun. Lyrically, the song is based around the fact that Cuomo's daughter pronounces "socks" as "sex." Miserable puns abound. These are some of the worst lyrics Cuomo has written, and the tone of the song is "dumb as hell." A major disappointment, considering how fun the music is, as well as the chorus melody.

6. "Run Away": Again, "Run Away" sounds nothing like a Weezer song. It sounds kind of like a Roy Orbison track--it's got an alt-country/throwback rock vibe, and an incredible climax, featuring more chimes and ornate instrumentation, and a huge cathartic wall of noise, with some awesome harmonies. "Run Away" is another wonderful song.

7. "Hang On": And so is "Hang On." You would be fair to think a Weezer song featuring Arrested Development's George Michael on mandolin and background vocals wouldn't work, but boy is "Hang On" a ton of optimistic fun. Hurley is beginning to feel like an ode to the 70's rock the band loved, and it's working.

8. "Smart Girls": Until "Smart Girls" shows up, and is even worse than "Where's My Sex." Rivers Cuomo should be embarrassed that he wrote the lyrics for this song. They are a career nadir. I mean awful. They don't work on any level, even ironically. Just pure stupidity, and not even the entertaining kind. This is also the track that makes me think Patrick Wilson didn't even play drums on Hurley--I think there's a chance all of the drums here are programmed. They're all incredibly straightforward, mostly four-on-the-floor beats that don't feel like Wilson at all. If they aren't, the overly glossy way they're produced makes them sound like it. "Smart girls/never get enough/smart girls/sleeping in the buff." What the hell? And this is the one song with a guitar solo?

9. "Brave New World": This unmemorable track has a driving tempo, and a couple cool guitar licks, but nothing sticks. Again, the straightforward, four-on-the-floor drum track sounds programmed.

10. "Time Flies": Hurley gets back on track at the end with an alt-country song about mortality. "Time Flies" has been compared to Led Zeppelin's more stripped-down, contemplative songs, and I think that's an apt comparison. Cuomo reflects on a world without him, and the song is both affecting and fun. It pisses me off.

Why?

Because Hurley could have been great! The building blocks are here!

If the band would have went all in on combining that "Old Weezer" sound with the more ornately-arranged, 70's rock/alt-country sound, Hurley could be a classic. 7/10 songs basically do that. Those seven songs are cohesive. But the three lousy songs derail the whole thing. Again, I'm not one of those Weezer fans who thinks every one of their albums needs to sound like it is hermetically sealed from 1996. I just want the band to make good music. On 70% of Hurley, they prove that they are more than capable of doing that. But the other 30% of this is embarrassing. A band of Weezer's stature, with their body of work, has no business releasing a song like "Smart Girls." How did no one in the band say, "We can't let the public hear this song. It's awful," and then cut it forever? How did no one in the studio say that? How did the producer let it slide? It's terrible.

Thus ends Weezer's weird experimental 2008, 2009, 2010 trilogy of albums. They would get weird and experimental again, to mixed results, later in their career. Thankfully, though, they would spend the mid-10's getting back to form.

2010 Epitaph
1. Memories 3:16
2. Ruling Me 3:30
3. Trainwrecks 3:21
4. Unspoken 3:01
5. Where's My Sex? 3:28
6. Run Away 2:55
7. Hang On 3:33
8. Smart Girls 3:11
9. Brave New World 3:57
10. Time Flies 3:42