The Thing (1982 Film Review)

1982 Universal Pictures
Directed by: John Carpenter; Written by: Bill Lancaster
Starring: Kurt Russell, Willford Brimley, and Keith David
MPAA Rating: R; Running Time: 109 Minutes
The Nicsperiment Score: 10/10

An American Antarctic research station crew is just minding their own business, when along comes a Norwegian helicopter, throwing grenades and shooting at a dog. The dog is a cute Husky, and these darn Norwegians seem nuts. After the Norwegians blow themselves up and/or are shot by the Americans in self-defense, several Americans set out to investigate the Norwegians' base. Turns out it has been destroyed, after the Norwegians discovered something out in the Antarctic ice: a spacecraft, and apparently, its pilot. The pilot is nowhere to be found, but the Americans soon found that the dog they took in is actually no dog--it's an alien creature that can infect and take the form of any living thing. Suddenly, the Americans find that the alien could be any one of them...or any number of them. Now, the remaining humans have to fight not only to survive, but to keep this thing from reaching the rest of the world...and the latter may turn out to be the only possible option.
I first watched The Thing with my little brother. We were watching another movie on the Encore Channel, and when that one ended, The Thing started up, its opening scene immediately roping us in. When the first scene of extreme gore occurred (yep, the tentacle dog), we were horrified, and changed the channel for about 90 seconds. However, we had to find out what was going to happen, so we flipped back. By the time the end credits rolled, we were hiding under the bed. I was in high school.
The Thing has been on my mind constantly since that late 90's summer night, and this review is biased. I can tell, though, objectively, based upon the direction, writing, performances, special effects, score, themes, and overall production values, that 1982's The Thing is an excellent movie. John Carpenter's perfectly lit shots all look like a work of art, even when the contents are disgusting. They're sometimes disgusting because Rob Bottin and his special effects team's imaginative creature designs are so putrifyingly executed, no CGI will likely ever top their viscerality. Yes, they are so out of this world, I had to make up two words to describe them.
I can also objectively tell that Carpenter knows how to set up his characters. I knew within 90 seconds of the film's introduction to Kurt Russell's MacReady that he's short on patience and temper, an alcoholic that doesn't seem very attached to his life. But Carpenter also further shades in MacReady's details, as it becomes clear that he's not only an ace under pressure, but a natural leader...and if this was Kurt Russell's only performance, he'd still be an icon because of it. I feel like I know who almost all these characters are, despite the fact that the other two major adaptations of John W. Campbell Jr. 's 1938 novella, "Who Goes There?" fail to make me feel the same.
I can objectively feel that Ennio Morricone's experimental score for the film is supremely effective, ratcheting up the suspense and tension in tandem with Carpenter's perfectly edited visuals. 

Let's be real, no human-written review of anything will ever be truly objective, no matter the writer's intentions, and 1982's The Thing is perfect. It's a perfect horror film, it's a perfect film, and I love it. I love its complex themes, which touch upon anything from group dynamics, to the way no one can ever really know or trust anyone. I love its nihilistic tone and ending, which, instead of holding the viewer's hand, slaps it away and says, "No, this is how it really is!" I love Kurt Russell's flawed hero performance more than just about any performance I've seen. I love Keith David's pissed off performance, a black man who is angry essentially because his white station-mates have stereotyped him as angry. I love this version of Willford Brimley, who isn't hawking Quaker Oats or diabetes care. I love Donald Moffat, who once yelled at Harrison Ford that he was "THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!" and yells in that same timbre here to be untied from a couch. I love every single actor in The Thing. I love that the film fakes the audience out by pretending to just be a suspenseful adventure film, up until that dog's head explodes and tentacles fly out. 

I just love this objectively great movie, objectivity be damned.