Baby Geniuses (Film(?) Review)

1999 Sony Pictures Entertainment
Directed by: Bob Clark; Written by: Bob Clark and Greg Michael
Starring: Kathleen Turner, Christopher Lloyd, Kim Cattrall, Peter MacNicol, and Ruby Dee
MPAA Rating: PG; Running Time: 95 Minutes
The Nicsperiment Score: 0/10

Babyco Scientists, Dr. Elena Kinder and Dr. Heep (no first name given), think that babies hold a universal knowledge in their mind that they lose when they begin to speak human languages. In a plot that only a baby genius could fully understand, Kindler and Heep hold a group of babies taken from Babyco orphanages hostage in their lab, training them with the "Kinder Method" to be smart so that they can decipher ancient languages, and also there's a terrifying Babyco theme park for some reason called "Joyworld," which would only inspire unbridled happiness in sociopath. One of the babies, Sylvester, is a rebel, and has some type of connection with his twin brother, Whit, who lives out in the non-underground lab world with his adoptive parents. Sylvester uses his toddler karate skills to escape, then finds his twin, but unfortunately, Babyco thugs trying to hunt down Sylvester accidentally kidnap Whit. Now, Sylvester and a group of non-genius, but still somehow genius babies have to rescue Whit, and put an end to Kinder and Heep's schemes in an unfunny hurricane of fart, diaper, and diarrhea jokes.
1999's Baby Geniuses is an awful film. The plot is nonsensical, every one of its 5700 seconds is a waste of even the most bored and listless viewer's time and an insult to even the most brainless viewer's intelligence. Hollywood vet, Bob Clark, has absolutely no business directing a film this bad when he's directed a stone-cold class like 1983's A Christmas Story. Even worse, Clark co-wrote this travesty against human culture. I won't insult the poor young children who acted in this film, though I will insult the apostacy against special effects that were used to make these babies talk. Performances from such respected industry veterans as Kathleen Turner, Christopher Lloyd, Kim Cattrall, and RUBY DEE seem resigned to the fact that they signed on a dotted line somewhere in hell. Don't watch this.