Don't Have A Stroke It Sucks

It's now been 15 days since I had a stroke, 13 days since I was hospitalized for having a stroke, and a week since I've been home from the hospital. If I were to chart my recovery with a shape, right now that shape would be a circle. I reached a point where I was feeling a lot less head pain...then all of a sudden I started feeling just as much pain again. My throat, which is currently shut due to the fact that I have no control over my esophagus, was backing up with saliva and I was having huge coughing fits. Those went away...then they came back. I can't feel anything on my left side...but today when I took a shower, the hot water felt like it was hitting open boils on my left side, and I had to turn it down to lukewarm. Tomorrow, who knows what it will be like. My feeding tube? Described as healing perfectly when I was at the hospital. Now a gory mess. There's no progress. There's no regress. I think I have my doctors and their opinions nailed down, and then those things shift. It just is, and I hate it. I just want a constant progression, even if it's slow, that I can mark down. Instead, it's been one stupid, unwieldy circle. The only thing that's been constant are my family and friends' loyalty and care, as well as the insane loyalty of my cat, who refuses to leave my side. Don't have a stroke it sucks.