Rocky V (Film Review)

1990 United Artists
Directed by: John G. Avildsen; Written by: Sylvester Stallone
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Talia Shire, Burt Young, Sage Stallone, Tommy Morrison, and Burgess Meredith
MPAA Rating:PG-13; Running Time: 104 Minutes
The Nicsperiment: 5/10

Rocky Balboa just ended the cold war. The Italian-American boxer with a heart of gold defeated a gargantuan Russian on USSR soil, uniting the world together, for what should be his most triumphant personal moment, but the famed boxer returns home to face career-ending brain damage and an empty bank account. It seems Rocky's brother-in-law has been swindled by a wily accountant, and now his family's got to move back to the mean streets of innercity Philadelphia. Rocky's son is getting beat up at his new school and needs his father more than ever, but Rocky has opened a boxing gym, and all his focus is on his new protege, Tommy Gunn. Tommy comes from a rough background, and he's got anger issues, but he's got raw skills that light up Rocky's eyes. Soon, Rocky's got Tommy rolling in the ring, knocking out all comers, but the lowly Rocky can't get Tommy a title shot. In comes the Don King-like George Washington Duke. He'll give Tommy a chance...and leave Rocky in the dust.
There are some good ideas in 1990's Rocky V. Rocky having to go back to the streets is solid enough that 2006's Rocky Balboa and the 2010's two Creed films were able to keep Rocky there and build off that foundation. Stallone's script certainly has some decent moments for his most famous character. However, the script also takes some goofy leaps to get Rocky back to the streets, essentially falling into an unbelievable maudlin trap where it's just simply not believable that America's hero can get thrown out on the street to no fanfare. Likewise, Stallone's instinct to bring back the series' original director, John G. Avildsen, seems wise, and Avildsen presents some great moments, but also some really cheesy IT'S 1990 NOW ones that are laughable.
The result is the worst film in the Rocky franchise. However, this is a franchise that is so great, with so much inherent pathos, even the worst entry isn't horrible, just mediocre and disappointing. Despite the silliness of an aging Rocky ending up in a rundown apartment in Philly, despite the goofiness of hip-hop beats attempting to back the training montages, it would take a Herculean effort to not become emotionally invested in the film's final, innovative fight. The father-son moments here pale next to the ones in the far superior Rocky Balboa...but they still hit. Does footage of Rocky and Paulie playing pinball in a dimly lit 1990 neighborhood dive bar next to a bridge still light up every dopamine center related to nostalgia in my brain, even though I don't particularly like this movie...YES! 

Rocky V is the worst Rocky movie...but it's still a Rocky movie.