The Cave (Film Review)

2005 Sony Pictures
Directed by: Bruce Hunt; Written by: Michael Steinberg and Tegan West
Starring: Cole Hauser, Morris Chestnut, Eddie Cibrian, Rick Ravanello, Marcel Iureș, Lena Headey, and Piper Perabo
MPAA Rating: PG-13; Running Time: 97 Minutes
The Nicsperiment Score: 3/10


After a mysterious cave is found in the mountains of Eastern Europe, a crack team is sent to explore. At first, they're excited to find what might be an entirely new ecosystem, full of massive chambers, and underwater pools and rivers. Then, they're not so excited to find that they're not the first team to explore the cave, and that things didn't end so well for the previous team. They're even less excited to find that the cave is inhabited by a parasite that infects and violently mutates its hosts...no matter if they're a cave bat, a fish...or a human.
For some reason, multiple "cave" horror-thrillers were released in 2005, much like underwater horror-thrillers in 1989. There might as well have only been one, though, and it isn't The Cave, a lousy and forgettable genre exercise that fails to make an impact in any way. A young and eager cast, including a strangely meek and soft-spoken Lena Headey, show up here with no memorable character to portray or line to utter. There's nothing clever here. No humor. Bruce Hunt may have done a great job as second and third-unit director on The Matrix films and Dark City, but as The Cave's lead director, he is unable to inject any personality. Likewise, Patrick Tatopoulos, known for dozens of memorable cinematic monsters, can't land a punch here, though he may be doomed by Hunt's lack of vision and the film's bizarre adherence to a PG-13 rating that robs it of what little teeth it may have. The Cave has no depth. A dud. Watch The Descent from the same year instead. Twice! The Descent is not only the one worthwhile cave movie from 2005, it may be the greatest horror film of the 00s. Don't go in The Cave. Stay out of The Cave! Don't spelunk The Cave!