All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (Film Review)

2006 Occupant Films
Directed by: Jonathan Levine; Written by: Jacob Forman
Starring: Amber Heard, Michael Welch, Whitney Able, Edwin Hodge, Aaron Himelstein, Luke Grimes, Melissa Price, Adam Powell, Peyton Hayslip, Brooke Bloom, Robert Earl Keen, and Anson Mount
MPAA Rating: R; Running Time: 90 Minutes
The Nicsperiment Score: 3/10

The beautiful Mandy Lane is a virgin and all the guys in her high school want to have sex with her. She and her nerdy best friend, Emmet, go to a party where Mandy is harassed and Emmet is bullied. Emmet convinces the bully to jump off the roof of the party house into the pool and the drunken bully hits his head on the concrete and dies. Nine months later, Emmet is more bullied than ever, while for some reason, Mandy has become great friends with most of the dead bully's friends. Eventually, one of those friends is hosting a small party out at his family's extremely rural Texas ranch, and Mandy decides to go. The idiotic teens take drugs, drink, have sex, and hurt each other's feelings, and then someone starts killing them. Will Mandy survive, and what will be left of her?
All the Boys Love Mandy Lane reminds me of when my mom used to tell me I was getting too big for my britches. I don't think anyone says that anymore, but I mean that this movie thinks it is serious, artistically made cinema, and it's frankly just a bad film. Director, Jonathan Levine, goes for a washed out, gritty Texas Chainsaw Massacre visual palette, but completely undercuts it by playing a constant, nonsensical, tone-destroying stream of silly indie rock music over it--somehow he leveraged his work here into an active, longstanding career. On top of that, some of the shots and much of the editing feels amateurish. Jacob Forman's script gives pretense at being the next Seven, but completely forgets to present a single likeable character or even a character who resembles an actual human. Thus, when the massive twist comes, it leaves little impact, as who cares? Several of the actors here went on to have strong careers (many in the cast are native Texans), though the lead went on to infamy. Amber Heard isn't awful here, but her character is such a sit there and do nothing cardboard cutout bore, she could have been played by any vaguely sinister, attractive young actress from 2006. I don't love Mandy Lane.