Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (Film Review)

1984 Paramount Pictures
Directed by: Joseph Zito; Written by: Barney Cohen (story by Bruce Hidemi Sakow)
Starring: Kimberly Beck, Peter Barton, Corey Feldman, E. Erich Anderson, Lawrence Monoson, and Joan Freeman
MPAA Rating: R; Running Time: 91 Minutes
The Nicsperiment Score: 4/10

Many years ago, young camper, Jason Voorhees, was swimming in Crystal Lake. Unfortunately, his counselors were very negligent as a result of being very horny, and Jason suffered severe brain damage and physical deformation due to nearly drowning to death. A couple decades later, Jason's mom returned to Camp Crystal Lake to murder all of the counselors for revenge, only to die herself. However, Jason took up her cause, put on a hockey mask, and murdered more horny teenagers than Mama Voorhees ever could...until he was finally killed as well...
Yeah right, you know he ain't dead. Jason comes back to life in the morgue, murders some dumb, horny morgue employees, then heads straight back to Crystal Lake to murder more dumb, horny teenagers. This time, the teenagers' cabin is next door to a home belonging to a single mom, a teenaged daughter named Trish, and a young pre-teen named Tommy, who's obsessed (and quite skilled) at making cinema-quality monster masks and effects. Will Jason not only murder every dumb, horny teenager in sight, but this little family, as well? Can Jason EVER, EVER, EVER DIE?!?! IS THIS REALLY THE FINAL CHAPTER?!?!
1984's Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, the fourth entry in the series, brings absolutely nothing new to the table, outside of pitting Jason Voorhees against a child in the last five minutes of the film. That child, Tommy, is played by Corey Feldman, and while Feldman in the 1980's is always money, up until those last five minutes, The (Not So) Final Chapter is pretty boring. The teenage victims in this film are dumber and hornier than ever before, and there's probably more gratuitous nudity in this entry than the previous three combined. We're at the point where, and I'm not exaggerating, character traits are spelled out in dialogue that literally consists of the line "I'm so horny." When you hire someone as interesting as Crispin Glover as one of the teenagers, and that's the best you can do, your movie is in trouble. It's that dumbed down.
It's not like I'm asking for substance in an 80's slasher film, but at least bring something new to the table! The previous couple of films at least featured Steve Miner's fun and imaginative direction. Joseph Zito's drab, workmanlike style here just can't measure up. The kills also feel unimaginative. I lost count of how many times someone is standing in front of a door or a screen, and Jason's knife comes through and sticks out their throat or chest. The thrills here are only at the lowest, most primal level. There is a fun moment with a stuttering film projector I enjoyed, and Feldman is fun, though he doesn't get to do much until the end. I guess I'm just not so horny for the The Final Chapter. They made a lot more after this, by the way.